29 December 2005


"Damn Yankee, you wouldn't know style if it bit your dick off."-Anonymous comment left on this journal

It seems I have a fan! I am so excited. But, let me just say this, Anonymous, that you seem to be the one without the dick since you didn't even have the balls to sign your rather risque comment.
Thanks again from taking the time out of your busy day to leave me some...ahem...love. At least for that second, you left somebody else alone. For that, I am most grateful!

28 December 2005

No News Is Not Good News (R)

When I first saw the blurb about me losing my job for a month, I was, in a word, speechless. Chunkie came over from the living room to see what had me so upset. I rang everyone that would be affected, sounding the alarm, so to speak, and then I left a message with my manger to see if he could shed some light on this rather pertinent subject. I mean, I really didn't like the fact that I would be working the whole evening on New Year's Eve and then be told, "Hoy, cheers, thanks alot! See you in a month." He rang back and left a message on my mobile that if I wanted to talk, he would be at the club last night and we could talk.

After showering, I got to the club and he was doing liquor inventory so I had to wait to speak to him. I had previously arranged for Miss Patti to pick me up and take me to the gym (she had a staff Christmas party to attend at a bar in my neighborhood). By the time he was finished, Patti had arrived. He still had things to attend to so, I decided to go to the gym whilst he did his thing and then come back for a meeting. Miss Patti was insistent she was going to pick me up from the gym and take me back to the club, I had informed her of the upcoming closure so she wanted to have first hand information of my meeting with my manager.

I didn't ring Patti because, I just needed to clear my head before I sat down with my GM. Thankfully, I went to the gym and worked out really hard and walked the five miles to the club before the meeting. I was able to blow off a lot of steam and get my thoughts straight before dealing with this. I am glad I did because our meeting was rather serious. We started off by agreeing to take the gloves off and talk straight up about a few things. It got heated very quickly. Those who are regular readers of the Cafe know I have been very unhappy with my manager and it has been affecting my job performance. We dealt with a lot of issues before even addressing the closure. He has been very unhappy with me and with good reason, I am big enough to admit that I can be a prima donna and very judgemental. I can also be quite the "spoiled brat" and annoying and he gave me a much deserved dressing down about a few things. And I am very glad that we had this chat. It was needed. I am hoping it cleared a lot of air between us and things will change where our working relationship and our friendship is concerned.

As an aside, things are done between my former friend Phil and I. I learned something at the meeting that "broke the camel's back", as they say. I do not, and will not, suffer so-called friends such as that.

"Here's your knife from my back, Phil, it didn't go with my outfit."

To continue, I now know that Sundays are being moved over to Club Tru (using the Studio staff), so I will still have at least one shift a week to count on. They may split shifts or give us something else during the interim to compensate (although nothing will quite compensate the main bar on a Saturday night). The silver lining is, after the renovations are finished, we will have a whole new reason for patrons to come to the Studio Six. Something to look forward to. People will come out of the woodwork to see what we've done to the old girl!

And I will be there.

Waiting to serve.

27 December 2005

Inertia, Part II

I have done nothing.

Oh, alright, I did update my address book from all the wonderful Christmas cards that J-land members among others sent to me. Thank you to everyone for the lovely sentiments. I wrote "thank you" notes for all the parties I was invited to and attended and all the gifts that I received during the season. I still have a few more to write, as I am writing this, I just remembered a few more people that I need to thank. I did three loads of laundry, Just Chunk gummed up the works, again, so I had to wait until after the holiday to do my laundry that has been waiting for over two weeks. Lovely. I also sent out my taxes from last year and cleaned a little.
I want to go to the gym but, Miss Patti has to attend an office party and Little Jose is at his new job, he's working at Evo, the restaurant I worked at last year. So, I am S.O.O.L. where working out is concerned. I just made dinner for Chunkie and I am waiting for him to awaken from his nappy-poo. Oh, the dinner rolls are done, gotta go!

Much Ado

I passed out on the couch last evening, whilst watching The Phantom of the Opera. It's not that the movie put me to sleep, believe me, I woke up as soon as I heard "Music Of The Night" and swooned all over again for the Phantom. Gerard Butler can whisk me away to his underground lair beneath an opera house any day he wants to! How about now? But, I digress. La Chunk put the movie on early, since there wasn't a damn thing on (except the last Monday Night Football. Hmm...and I opted for a movie version of a Broadway play, go figure). We also watched the biography of Angie Dickinson. She's what they used to call a "broad". And I mean that in the best sense. She's bawdy and sexy and one of the boys but, definitely all woman! Now, why am I telling you all about my viewing habits of last night? What meaning does any of this have to the diary entry you are reading?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

25 December 2005

Christmas Rain

It's raining here on the island. It's a balmy fifty-four degrees (f). Go figure, last month it was snowing and now, it's like a rainy, chilly fall day. Just got back from my Father's and step-mother's home and Christmas dinner. This year, my Father has been watching the food network so he cooked stuffed eggplant. Very tasty! We usually do some sort of Italian feast on Christmas since Thanksgiving is so close and we are all too sick of eating turkey or ham. Everything was wonderful. My sister and her boyfriend were in attendance, which was nice, I never get to see her with her working as a teacher in Philadelphia and I doing my thing on the weekends in Atlantic City. We have compleately opposite schedules so when I get to see her, it's extra special. My Father didn't harangue me for a change. I guess the fact that I have been over his abode three times in the last two months is working it's magic. I know I was remiss in not visiting but, life has a habit of getting in the way. I do resolve to visit him more often.
Now I am going to pass out on the couch and nap before I have to work tonight (which I still haven't a clue if I really have to work).

God Bless Us Everyone!-Tiny Tim. Bite Me!- Mortimer.

I didn't get my yearly visit by Jacob Marley and the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future so I have no Christmas spirit, again. Actually, I am not as "Bah Humbug!" as in years past but, I just don't have any visions of sugar plums and ho, ho, ho either. I have come to the conclusion that the holidays, especially this one, is more for young innocent children than jaded urban socialites like myself. And that's just fine by me 'cause I ain't popping out any ankle biters any time soon.

I went to Miss Tene's annual Christmas Eve party. It was nice, if a bit cramped. She has a quaint little apartment uptown and usually invites pretty much all of Atlantic City to attend so it can get a bit sardine-like after a short while. It spills out into the hallway and laundry room area next door quite quickly. Miss Patti and I arrived rather early, around 9:30pm, which is very early for us. We had our gifts in hand and quickly exchanged them for a plate of food and a cocktail. I thought is was an even trade. I have done a whole lot more for a free meal and drink than one measly Christmas present. We sat and kibitzed for a bit, having a great time and catching up. I saw April, who I met last year at the party. She has been busy at school and she asked me how my year has been. I started my usual answer of not really doing anything, you know the pat party chatter that you give to people when you really don't know what to say. And then I began to recite what I had done over the past year. And I was really surprised.

I have done a lot.

Boston twice, Ft. Lauderdale and South Beach, met Coy, Thanksgiving with my family and the Alternate Thanksgiving with my friends, my hair has been a red mohawk, short and blue, blonde spikes and now a Carol Brady shag, I started the gym and have been going religiously, I started a new job, and many many other things. Wow. I had such a revelation standing there. What a difference a year makes. And that was just with me, the world has seen quite a year as well but, I'll leave that to the news organizations to wrap all that up you.

And I must say, this was a great year because I didn't lose anyone.
That is always a great year. Because I have lost so many. So many friends.

I have done a lot this year and for that I am greatful. It has been a "wonderful life" I guess, for me at least.

Oh gods, did I just get visited by Jacob and friends without realizing it. Sneaky bastards.

God bless us, everyone, indeed!

So, as I sit here, digesting the French toast I made for myself (and it was really good!) and watching the God programming on all the channels on Christmas morning, I want to wish all of you in J-land a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Whether you celebrate with a religious or secular nature, I hope the season finds you safe and healthy.

Miss America Shuns Pageant!

Guess who I ran into at the Hamilton Mall?

Miss America 1998 Kate Shindle! She looked fabulous! Gods, I love her. She was in The Stepford Wives recently. I asked her if she was going to Las Vegas for the pageant in January, and she answered with a resounding "NO!". I love it. She said she'll pop into the club to see me. I hope so, she loves my chocolate martinis. Then again, who doesn't!

The New York Times had an article recently (See:
Miss America as She Used to Be) talking about the changes in the upcoming pageant. Now, if you read the article, you will see that it says EVERYTHING I have been saying year after year. PUT THE PAGEANT BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS! Big hair, fabulous gowns, bad talent, the whole shebang. Stop the Fashion Bug/Walmart fashion segment, stop the jeopardy questions, we know the girls are smart, most of them are one year away from being doctors or lawyers and we know the girls are dumb, HULLO! It's a beauty pageant, we ain't thinking about their brains when we look at them in a swimsuit. Well, it's exactly what they are doing.
They just ain't doin' it in Atlantic City anymore.

Whatever (see:

It was good to see Kate and meet her brother.
Did I say she looked gorgeous?!

23 December 2005

Holidays Or Mortimer Is Poor

I bloody hate the bloody holidays. Bloody Hell! This is sucking the life out of me. I live hand to mouth pretty much throughout the year but, it's generally "summertime, and the living is easy" during that time. The holidays are not easy. When your whole existence is predicated on the kindness of strangers (read: tips) you are S.O.O.L. when it comes to the season of giving. People are not really going to go out and hand their hard earned coins to you when Macy's and Walmart and the gods know what else are offering their wares for pennies and all I have is a good stiff drink for $9.00. I can only hope that all those Christmas coins come pouring out of those stockings after this hateful holiday and into my pockets.
My landlord is getting a bit over my protestations of poverty. I guess I would be, too.
Hey, it's not my fault they raised the rent.

I went to our annual Club Tru/Studio Six Christmas party on Wednesday. What a difference new owners make. We didn't have the pollyanna (which is good, I got the WORST GIFT EVER one year and I don't want to beat my own record) and it wasn't held at Mama Motts, the fabulous Italian restaurant that we always have it at. We did have it in the Oak Room (now called Tommy's Bar), the little bar attached to the hotel at the club and there was some foodstuffs put out and we got to drink the expensive hooch. And our new owner gave us all presents.

This is where I must remind you who my new owners are. I was trying to find a link but, I think the name of the company is reminder enough: The Red Barn Adult Book Store.

You can see in the picture above what I got for Christmas. I do like the nifty leather stocking! You can only imagine what I couldn't photograph. I have no idea what some of it is for. Chunkie was actually laughing at me. He finds it very funny that I am one of the most jaded persons he knows but, when it comes to sex, I am like a little girl, all squeamish and giggly and bashful! Well, I am. I admit it. When it comes to "that stuff" I am very...vanilla.

Today, I get to use La Chunk's credit line and go buy a present for Miss Tene. She is having her annual Christmas Eve bash at her abode down in the inlet. That's always fun, a hundred plus people crammed into an apartment having cocktails and just enjoying themselves. I can't wait. But what do you buy for the "girl" that has everything?

MAC Cosmetics, here I come!

21 December 2005

For Sale, Florida!

I woke up with a wicked hangover. Of course. We decided that to-day, we are going shopping. If you know my flatmate, Just Chunk, you know he cannot go more than forty-eight hours without purchasing something from a retail establishment. He is what capitalism was made for.
We noshed with our friend Billy at this quaint little diner called...get this...oooh....wait...it's really good...the Peter Pan Diner! Can you believe it? It was so good. I mean, I am from New Jersey, the only thing we have more than mobsters, is diners. So I know of where I speak. The waitress staff was about 78% nicotine, 12% caffeine and the rest human, they knew the menu inside/out and were crusty and friendly all at the same time. The food was diner food, which is just what my hung condition needed. I loved it. The bus boys had T-shirts that said they were the Lost Boys and there were little Peter Pan knick-nacks all over the place. Not too much, just enough.
After our brunch, we left Billy and went on our way to a mall. Pick a mall. It doesn't matter.

We went to Burdines...oops, they're all Macy's now. Here's where it got a bit funny, La Chunk has never known his credit limit at this particular establishment.
Let's just say, when he let me listen to the automated response on the white courtesy help phone, I pulled the damn thing out of the wall!
We shopped!
And we shopped!
Gods, do I love credit!
I found a fabulous "soccer" jacket that said London on the front. The only one left was on the display dummy. They were normally $70, on sale for $24 which I thought was good. The kindly clerk came over and searched for the jacket, couldn't find it so, he dismantled the display, just for me!
And guess what, it was marked down even more, I got it for the low, low price of $15! Do I know how to shop or what?
Then we went to the movies. We saw King Kong! Boy, oh boy was this movie fantastic! It is absolutely perfect! What an adventure. It made the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park look like claymation! The acting is top notch, the action is really amazing, New York in the thirties, perfect! What a tour-de-force of movie making. Peter Jackson is a genius and this movie seals that title. I cried at the end. Even though you know what happens, the pathos is so real and so touching, you can't help but feel for the big ape.
Then we shopped. Again! This time Dillard's. I love this department store. It's old fashioned, more homey, unlike Macy's or Sear's or the uber-Marts. We didn't really get the bargins I hoped for but, we still shopped like fiends.
Did I say I love credit!
We then met up with Billy again and had dinner, outside, under his carport. It was so nice, to be sitting there in DECEMBER eating dinner outside in a bloody T-shirt looking at his Christmas light decorated version of Wisteria Lane. And it is. Let me tell you, all the neighbors came over to meet and greet. It was so damn funny. And gay. Very gay. It's like Gay Heaven!
I wanted a coconut so Billy marched over to his neighbor's home and picked one right off the tree. LOL! I am waiting for it to ripen to throw some rum in it and have a cocktail! You can't have citrus trees anymore, there was a blight and they can't risk the mass market crops. If you have one, they come over and chop the thing down and haul it away.
We were going to go out but, we decided to get an early day of it on Friday before we had to go back to the third world Miami Airport and go home.
Where I am now, freezing my tush off.

Where's All That Light Coming From? Oh...It's Florida!

So, we decided to go out to some bars. First was this little hole-in-the-wall who's name I forget. It was a lot like the Brass Rail, only with a decidedly country flair. I could tell from the cowboy hats and karaoke selections. Yes, karaoke is bad enough. Country karaoke is like knives jammed in your orifices. In every hole on the human body! Since it wasn't my cup of chaw, which I think my friend Billy noticed by my squirming and extreme fidgety-ness, he suggested we go elsewhere.

And what a place he took us to. It was a whole strip mall full of gay bars and gay stores and gay EVERYTHING! It was bizarre. A bizarre bazaar! I could only imagine what it was like on the week-end! We went to one place first, a "sit down/get picked up" kind of place. After a few cocktails and watching the very funny and obscure videos on the screens throughout the club, we decided to go to the dance club a few doors down.

How weird is that? I am telling you, there's a gay bookstore, a gay grocery store, it's like Hazard County but Bo and Luke are kissing cousins and the Boar's Nest is now the Boar's Hole!

So, we go into the club and it's dead. I mean, it was not that busy but, it was the middle of the week. We toured the bar and found a place out of the smoke infested dance floor. It was playing havoc on my sore throat and making me cough. Pretty.
I was minding my own business (no, I wasn't, don't let me lie to you) and I hear this loud female voice behind me demanding a glass of water. The bartender was kind enough to give it to her. She began to walk away. Now, being a bartender myself, and being tanked up on a few cocktails and good food from Tatu, I just HAD to say something to this...this...member of the Lullaby League. She was rather short, like the munchkins in "The Wizard Of Oz". So, I said, "the bartender gave you the water for free, shouldn't you give him something, like a tip?"
Well, that wasn't what she wanted to hear.
After a few "fuck you's" and the "who the hell are you's" her friend, who was standing next to me during all this, began to put his rather limited two cents in as well. Now, he was my size and I was really itching to hit the midget but, since she was short and a woman, I really couldn't. Now her friend, here's a target I could hit without all the guilt. I was given the "you better back off" and "get the hell out" mumblings from this dimwit and you know what, I just couldn't bring myself to knock any sense into him. I mean, in his world, a mind is a terrible thing to use! So I dismissed the both of them, and turned my back.

Damn, he didn't take the bait.

So she came back a bit later and said, "excuse me".
I said, "no, go somewhere else".
She replied, "I said excuse me!" and began to push me out of the way. Oh my gods, did I feel like an idiot. The Lollypop League is trying to move me out of the way!
She said, "you don't know who I am!"
To which I replied, "you don't tip, I don't want to know you".
Her friend watched from the pool table and never came to her defense. Wimp!

I moved out of her way and she got a cocktail, and guess what? She left a healthy tip for the bartender, which made it all worth it!
Of course, Chunkie only saw the second part of this whole thing and accused me of picking on munchkins. Bastard!

We left after finishing our drinks, I will not waste alcohol, and went back to the hotel. I was hot to death by now. I was glad I passed out rather quickly.

Thursday, we shopped!

20 December 2005

I Hate Florida! (R)

In December! It really is disconcerting to listen to Christmas carols and look at Christmas trees and decorations whilst wearing a T-shirt and sunblock.

(Note: To see the full photos from the trip, please go to our original location Mortimer's Cafe)

The time beforehand getting to the
The Sunshine State, was a study in bad luck and horrible timing. Let's just say, it was the poor tour of our little dividend from Spain. Some of you may have noticed that I haven't written about going out to fabulous dinners and doing the tres chic things I usually am wont to do on a daily basis. The thing is, it's our off season and the club hasn't been doing all that well pre-holiday so, Mortimer is currently beating off the wolves at the door. They are hungry and there's nothing to give them, at the moment.

That being said, I still had a wonderful time in HappyLand. I worked my usual Friday at Babes, and Saturday (14 hours) and Sunday at Studio Six. Funny how every bloody week we would close the club around 3:30/4:00am and the one week I have to go away, we close after 6:00am. I hadn't even packed yet so, I got maybe eight hours sleep in just three days and had to get on a plane to Florida.

Then, we were delayed going down and didn't get to our hotel until very late, like midnight, and to top it off, I had to get up at 7:00am to get ready to meet
Coy for the South Beach excursion she planned for us. This is when I realized I left my charger for my mobile in New Jersey. Nice. Not that I had much time on my phone but, that's another story (see the wolves reference above).

We got up, to much grumbling by La Chunk and myself (I realized I had another head cold, as well. When I blew my nose at the car rental place, I got so dizzy with vertigo, I almost fell over. My ears still haven't popped), and got ready. He was worried that Coy was an Amway representative (they are supposed to be some sort of secret cult) and we later found out that Coy's friends thought we were murdering Sopranos from Joisey (aren't all people from New Jersey mobsters?)! Too damn funny.

She came to get us at the hotel and let's just say, it was love at first sight! LOL!

She is delightful and so charming. A real class act and a wonderful lady. We got along famously, something Chunkie remarked on. It was like we've know each other for a long time. I really love that about J-land.

The water taxi was late (of course!) and we finally got under way, sitting up front out in the open to soak up the sun. I had my sunblock 3000 on just in case. I am an older vampire and can take full sunlight without turning to dust but, you can't be sure where that hateful sun is concerned. And I can't afford the wrinkles. The weather was BEAUTIFUL. A bit nipple in the morning but it warmed up rather quickly. The tour guide was, in a word, incompetent. We hated him right away. He was of my persuasion but, he didn't get the fabulous gene we are famous for. Too bad. So we entertained ourselves and watched all the flora and fauna on the way to
South Beach. Very nice. Once we got there, we did the usual tourist things, eating at Johnny Rockets and wandering down the strip, across the street, to see the famous and fabulous buildings. Coy's entry (Mort was here, the whole story ...) is a bit more detailed. We had a cocktail at the marina and the barwench regaled us with Hurricane Wilma stories. Seems the wooden structure we were under was brand new, Wilma conjured up a water spout that destroyed the old one as well as piling up the cars six high next door at the retirement centre. The return homecaught all of us catnapping, don't let Coy's picture of Chunkie fool you, we all passed out at one point or another. But, I am so glad she got that shot, lol.

Chunkie and I then had to excuse ourselves to prepare the cement for the new shoes for Coy. We are murdering mobsters from Joisey, you know. We said our good-byes, loaded Coy in the trunk and off we went, dumping her out among the 'gators.

How she got out to write her entry is beyond me.

I must once again say, I am so tickled to have been able to meet her. She is truly a nice and lovely person and I am glad to now count her among my friends.

Wednesday La Chunk and I went to the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Hollywood to judge a Christmas tree decorating contest with our friend Susan, who is the Director of Special Promotions there. She looked fabulous, I guess having that hunky boy-toy of hers around is doing it's magic. Bitch. We had a ball, some of the trees were quite imaginative, and as "payment" she took us out to eat at Tatu (TATU offers a special interpretation of Asian dishes with Cantonese, Mandarin, and Szechwan, Vietnamese and Thai influences. Featuring an extensive sushi bar, private tatami rooms and a two-level interior overlooking Paradise Lake, Tatu is a great place to dine and party with friends.) It was wonderful. She also got us every dessert on the menu, too fabulous! We had a great time. We were supposed to be on local television. Anybody see us? We said our good-byes and then went out on the town in Ft. Lauderdale.

This is where I got into a fight.

More later...

09 December 2005

Brunch, Shopping, Work, In That Order.

Brunch at Brittany's Cafe with La Chunk was very nice, except for the horrible contact trauma I was going through during the meal. Anyone who wears contacts knows what I am talking about. Nothing I did seemed to help. I was even in the little bathroom using tap water. I wanted to rip it out and throw it on the floor. So, I bucked up and just delt with it.
I came back home and immeadieatly took it out and soaked it.
And went back to sleep. I think I am in hibernation mode. It was a good sleep, though. Very restful. I think I finally caught up on my sleep debt from the last few days.

Miss Patti just rang me up to go shopping for her sister's party. How nice. I love shopping and parties!
I am wearing my workout clothes for this little excursion. We are somehow ending up at the gym before I have to come back to get ready for work tonight at Babes. I will not lose another day.
I am going to FLORIDA forchrissakes! The land of half naked boys. I need to look halfway decent!

08 December 2005

Withholding Tax Minus The Number Seventy To The Tenth Power Gets You NOTHING!

It seems my luck has run it's course.

I went to get my
taxes done. I spent ninety dollars to an accountant to find out that I owe forty-three more to the government. Nice.

My 401K has yet to arrive. I did get more than my usual pittance in my paycheck this week so I guess that's something. We did have a mandatory staff meeting today but, it was canceled at the last minute. Literally. So, I guess that's something, too. They were only going to lambast us about the recent "secret shopper" report. Like I care.

Miss Patti pinched a nerve in her arm so, she was taking
Flexeril and that put her out of commission and Little Jose hurt his shoulder working out without me so he can't go to the gym, either.
So here I sat.
Doing nothing.
Wanting to work out.


Miss Patti and I did have a nice day, though, having lunch at the Galloway Diner and driving around the dirty back roads of the Pine Barrens of New Jersey. I just love diners. And New Jersey is famous for them. We have more diners than mobsters, believe it or not.

It's time for bed. I have been on the go since morning on four hours sleep. Chunkie and I have a brunch date on the morrow, if it's not too bad out, weather wise.

I hope my sugar daddy comes in again on Friday. Mortimer needs some spending money for Florida!

I CANNOT believe I just wrote that.

No Sleep.

I had a fitful sleep. My room was cold last night and no matter how many blankets I put on, I just couldn't seem to get warm enough to slumber straight through. And I just put the storm windows down yesterday so I could avoid that very problem. This is a drawback to living on the beach. The penthouse is rather old and drafty and with the raw winds coming off the ocean during the winter, our building is pretty much like a sieve. Now, when the winds change direction, and come in from the east, my room is a hotbox. I didn't even get to sleep until after four in the morning and it's now nine-thirty and I am up and at 'em! I guess it's time to get my winter clothing out of the attic. The snow and ice seem to be telling me that it's here to stay.

Yes, I know. The movie affected me. I had many dreams last night and they kept waking me up. Disjointed dreams. Nothing I can remember, just shards of visions that make no sense. But, then again, dreams never do.

Maybe it's just the endorphins from the gym. I did have to go right to bed not long after being at the gym so that may have played havoc on my sleep cycle. And I did have a great workout. Much better than Tuesday's. I still say that there is a stronger gravity well in Northfield than in Ventnor Heights. It's not the same weight, they are heavier out in Northfield. I swear!

Well, I had to go to bed right away and I got up to get some errands done that I have been putting off all week. ALL WEEK! I can't believe how lazy I have become. Well, not lazy, just anti-going-out-and-facing-the-world. I have put it off too long and now we have yet ANOTHER storm coming along to dump another two to four inches of that white powder all over my island.

Where's the Whitney Houston Snow Removal Machine when you need it?

Rent (R)

I saw Rent tonight with Miss Patti.

It was extremely emotional for me. Very heart wrenching. I cried heaving sobs during many of the scenes. I want to say that I had forgotten what it was like, to lose so many friends. To say that I had forgotten what it was like to see how
AIDS totally devastates the human body. Beautiful and wonderful people. And how the movie brought it all back to me.

But, I can't. Because I still see it. I see it every day in the faces of friends that I know are a drug cocktail away from dying. Horribly. I see it when I perform at benefits, and see people I know that may not make it to next year's show.

And I still remember, as plain as today, seeing my friends who did die. My God. There is no hope when you watch something like this tear everyone you know away from you. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. It's a wonder I can still function. Sometimes I can't. Sometimes, I feel as if there is no point.

The movie is about hope, though. And how we can overcome.

That there's no day like today.

And maybe that's what gets me through. I don't know. I really don't know.

Somebody has to remember. Somebody has to be here to say THESE PEOPLE EXISTED AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WONDER THEY WERE CAPABLE OF!

It was a wonderful movie. Please go and see it. The music, and the message is about hope. Hope.

Just when you think there is no hope left.

07 December 2005

I Need A Hobby.

Hmm...our computer is running slow again. My flatmate just got back from Las Vegas. He had been there to witness a commitment ceremony of a friend of ours. It sounded very nice. Our friend and his betrothed went to Vermont to make it legal (whatever that means in this day and age) and then had the big to-do in Vegas where our friend lives. It was just another excuse for Super Chunk to go to The Meadows (what Las Vegas means in English). I think he's getting the bug to move out there again. It would suck. I love him so, he's become one of my closest friends and I don't know how I would deal with him leaving this coast.

Speaking of bugs, he is the reason our computer is running slowly. It has been fine the entire time he was away and now after he's been back and playing on the computer, we have adware. I ran a McAfee scan to no avail. Now I am doing an AOL Spyware scan. Hopefully, I will be able to smoke out the offending pop-ups and get them out of my computer. Again!

I went to the gym with Miss Patti last evening. We were discussing our financial states. We are both poor. It's not destitute poor, just no-cash-on-hand poor. Hopefully I will be able to rectify the situation through my errands today. I am going to Florida on Monday and will need money for my usual shopping sprees. I have to see about that 401K I had forgotten about and my taxes from last year that I never did. Hopefully, I can get the money upfront, for a small fee of course. I don't even know why I didn't do my taxes. I think it's because most of my important mail goes to my Father's home, I didn't even think about it. Out of sight, out of mind. Plus, I get paid to-day. That will be another twenty bucks to line my wallet.

I think I have SAD. Or something. I have been so listless recently. All I want to do is sleep. Then I get in a manic mode and want to do everything but, get absolutely nothing accomplished.

I do have to mail one of those little cards that you get in your purchases. I always put one of Chunkie's many drag names down and list his birthday somewhere near God's. Then I check his interests as Bible study, grandchildren, gardening, quilting circles, AARP, RVing and guns and ammo. You should see the crap that comes to our house.

I love shenanigans!

I Love Her But, She Scares Me!

The following is an IM I got from my pookie, who's studying to be a doctor:

"Rita": just wanted to tell you how much i love you and miss you before i run back to anatomy class and dissect out the heart

OK, pookie, you just run along, now. I'll be right here, puking my guts up, LOL!

06 December 2005


It's been a slow day here in the Cafe. I've gotten nothing accomplished. Except the dishes and catching up on my sleep and the journals. I was going to go out and take pictures of the snow. I was going to switch out my seasonal clothes. I was going to get a life.


I have a confession. I haven't yet been to any non-J-land journals. Maybe one. Maybe. I just miss all of the alerts from the AOL journals and by now, I know they have written a novel or two in the short time I haven't been by and I am fearing having to spend all of my time reading up on my friends lives. Maybe I'll pick one a day. Or two, if they weren't so prolific.

There's some good television on tonight. I guess I'll get cracking on dinner and then settle down to Charlie Brown.

Then it's off to the gym.

03 December 2005

Just A Note From Your Favourite Couch Dancer

I am going to work out with Little Jose this evening. Miss Patti had to work and with it so cold out right now, I don't really feel like walking over to the gym in Ventnor Heights (two miles away) so I rang him up and we are going to pump it up before work (he lives four blocks away). I wrote about my night at Babes in the AOL Cafe which is the reason I need to stay fit and trim, lol. Crazy. I am hoping tonight is busy, we have a few good concerts in town and it should be good for us. That is, if I don't get fired. I have a sinking feeling. I hate sinking feelings.

02 December 2005

From Gym To Gym.

Well, Miss Patti and I did the gym last evening. It was good. I can't wait to go back. We went to Denny's afterwards, I wanted to get a tuna salad type of thing but, they were on a late night menu and all they had was fried things. I opted for a hamburger. I figured there was at least a little protein in that. I didn't do the bun. After having two Thanksgiving dinners, I am shying away from carbs for a while. We were supposed to go to the movies today but, I never got up. Oh well, it was her fault anyway, after Denny's we came back to my house to go over a few things for her upcoming sister's going away party. I didn't get to sleep until way after five in the morning. Time to get my butt in gear. I must do something before I have to do the gym and then work at Babes.

01 December 2005


I am livid. Really, totally livid. I have just found out, to-day, that we are not putting on our production of the Miss'd America Pageant in January after the real Miss America (which is why it's called Miss'd because we missed it). Now, this is after we have had costume fittings and an open call for back-up dancers and some rehearsals. This sucks. But that's not the only reason I am angry, I am furious at the producers of the show. It seems they had a meeting, a while ago, and discussed whether or not we should have the pageant and they decided to postpone it until September (when we used to put it on because Miss A. was on that month) and they neglected to tell a single performer or costume designer or choreographer or ANYBODY about the cancellation. Then I get the excuses, a whole list of excuses. And let me tell you, that's all they are. Excuses. Because I am guessing that two of the producers are going on vacation the week we should be doing the pageant. And I will find out. This is so unprofessional. I don't think I will be seeing them in September.

I Remember You (R)

I remember Simone.

I remember Joe Wudski.

I remember Billy Kover.

I remember Paul Handus.

I remember David Hutchinson.

I remember Billy Karpiak.

I remember Lamont.

I remember Tonya.

I remember Everette.

I remember John.

I remember Brian.

I remember Miguel.

I remember Paul.

I remember Amilia.

I remember all of my friends who died of Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome (A.I.D.S.), too many friends to mention without losing it.

I remember the pain and suffering you went through.

I remember all those who are now living with A.I.D.S.

I remember to do whatever I can to stop this.

I remember you.

30 November 2005

Up To The Minute

Well, Miss Patti begged off shopping as well. I am beginning to believe she is avoiding me. Actually, I know she's not feeling all that well. It's a shame, she missed a spectacular day outside. I walked down the world famous Atlantic City Boardwalk to pick up my serfs wages for the time spent on Lord Studio Six's lands. I did some visiting throughout the city and was just loving the fact that I only needed a light jacket and a T-shirt. Very nice. Very nice, indeed! I know we are going to suffer for this nice November weather, that's why I am enjoying it while can. There's tropical storm "whatever" out in the Atlantic Ocean, and this island has been pretty lucky as of late. The last big hurricane to hit here was in the sixties. And now they are saying next year may be just as bad. Sorry New Orleans but, you ain't got nuttin left, here's hopin' they stay in the Gulf. Gott in Himmel!

I have not a thing to do until Friday. I am really hating this. I need to get another job. The idle mind is the Devil's workshop and believe me, Satan gets a hold of me and all hell breaks loose. Luckily I haven't many coins to my name or I could really get in trouble. Oh, who am I kidding, I can get in to a whole heap o' trouble on less than the pocket lint I am currently holding on to.

There are a few movies I wish to see but, that would mean a bus ride to the nearest TowneTooMany or Googleplex. I hate the local buses, especially the ones throughout South Jersey. I may just have to convince someone to take me to the cineplex.

It's time to get my winter garments out of the attic and switch out my seasonal clothes. That will take all of twenty minutes, then we'll see what other shenanigans I can get into!

The Aftermath Or Plans Within Plans

Yesterday was spent cleaning, that is, after I recovered from the weekend. I slept forever and didn't get up until nine at night. I didn't have much to do, just the turkey carcass and a few lingering glasses and ashtrays and some of the serving trays. None of us smoke in the penthouse so, one cigarette in an ashtray is quite the stink maker. My flatmates didn't seem to see the need to help me clean this mess up and left if for me all day and most of the evening. Very nice of them. I will say that Mommie Dearest helped with some of the dishes at one point but La Chunk's contribution seemed to be to make sure all of his boxes and suitcases of clothing were put back out in the dining room, again! Luckily I had gotten most of it done right after the party so there wasn't too much lying about. When I was taking out the refuse, I saw a light up Santa and reindeer lawn ornament right out the door to our penthouse. Mommie Dearest struck again! So, in a fit of mischief, I put the Santa in our hallway to our bedrooms and plugged it in as a night light. A very bright red and white night light! Ain't I a stinker? I can't wait to hear the feedback about this latest prank.

Miss Patti begged off of our usual gym date last night. I wasn't happy about that but, I didn't argue. It was rather windy and rainy out. She and I are going shopping today, although I literally have not one dollar to my name right now. Before the party I had paid a few lingering bills and then funding the party cost me every last cent I had on hand. Ugh! I do get paid today and I didn't pick up my check last week so I have two miniscule paychecks to tide me over until Friday. And I just recently found out we are going to get paid every two weeks now. I HATE THAT PAY SCHEDULE! I really do. It's bad enough I only make three dollars an hour and claiming so much in tips eats away most of that in taxes but now, I have to wait every two weeks to get this pittance. Bloody hell!

Time to ring up Harrah's and get that 401K I never knew I had and see about getting my taxes done from last year. I am thinking, and I may be wrong but, they don't penalize you when you get a refund.

At least, that's what I am hoping.

The Tale Of The Alternate Thanksgiving (R)

After working through the weekend (and it was hell this weekend, let me tell you) I had to get the penthouse ready for our Alternate Thanksgiving.
I got up around two to finish up the cleaning and get the serving bowls out and the kitchen prepped for the food that would be arriving at six. All of that took longer than expected, of course. My flatmates were busy little bees and actually removed their things from the dining room and the laundry area on Sunday and Monday. I actually had another table in the laundry room to put the overflow dishes and what-not and didn't have to use washer and dryer, like last year. I also had to de-Santa-fy the house. Mommie Dearest got into a frenzy of decorating, not as much as years gone by but, more than I like and a bit on the tacky side. I let it stay until he left, right before my guests arrived, then I went about and put the stuffed Snoopy Santa and the tacky Santa Frogs and the other horrors he placed about the penthouse in more discreet places.

Like drawers. And closets.

I finally got everything together and set up the dining room table but, I hadn't cleaned the smaller bathroom so, as I was taking my shower, I was cleaning it at the same time. It's quite a testament to me to be able to shave and scrub a toilet simultaneously!

Lemon Fresh Joy and Morgan Wells arrived as I was showering. The latter was in charge of the nibbly-bits so he had to get everything put out before the rest of the guests arrived. Luckily they brought supplies for pomegranate cosmopolitans since Miss Tene decided to come late, and she was in charge of the liquor.

After a bit of a wait, and believe it or not, I was making cocktails but not partaking, the other guests started to come and the party got in full swing. I had a great idea, I set out my birthday book, and made everyone sign it under their birthday so I had a guestbook and their birthdays at the same time. Most of the time was spent on the phone and running up and down the three flights of steps to open the door for guests and making drinks, even though half the people there are bartenders. For some reason (they said something about me being the host or some other nonsense) I had to make the libations. Go figure! I coordinated the cleanup of the first course and the placement of the main courses which ran the gamut of culinary delights. A delicious turkey, which Miss Patti cooked in a bag so it came out very moist, a ham that was spicy and delicious, lasagna made by the loving hands of Joy, homemade perogies that Luap's lovely wife brought. We also had pizza, brought by Dorian and plenty of other dishes and trimmings. Believe me, no one went home hungry. Most especially after the desserts, consisting of three pumpkin pies, an orange flavoured bundt cake (Darrin and his new boyfriend), cherry cheese cake, apple-pecan pie, tiramisu (Miss Patti) and holiday cookies (brought by Little Jose).

After this gutbusting feast, we all sat around and watched videos of past shows. It was a scream. I had forgotten about a fashion show we did that I had a video tape of. Miss Patti's design house, Black Coffin Designs, threw a fashion extravaganza at the club many years ago. The reason we needed to watch it again was because Miss Tene looked VERY different at this time of...ahem...her life and most of the guests had never seen him...oops...her looking like that. Plus the fact that she fell off her shoes during her walk down the catwalk. It was a scream! To be fair, I showed a video of myself at
Revival in one of my first shows ever, hairy armpits and all. It was many moons ago and I was still a raw talent. I will say that everyone agreed that I look pretty much the same (although I do shave, now), considering that a few at the party weren't even born when that particular footage was filmed. That sucks!

Johanna and Fernando and Big Jose had to go and open the club for Latin Night. The rest of us stayed and drank and ate even more. Dorian helped me with the dishes, he's so damn sweet and we laughed and chatted until Fernando rang and suggested we come to the club to see the show. I finished packing everything up into the fridge and off we went to the
Studio Six to have even more fun. By now, I had started to imbibe and was feeling very little pain. Coupled with the turkey coma and the fact I had very little sleep on my Coma Monday, the liquor went right to my head. We had fun, the show was...the show (Lady Labelle read for filth another drag queen, someone we all rather dislike, it was too, too!) and as I was talking to Joey G., I realized I was done for the evening. Maybe it was when he asked me if I was trashed? I was, very! I turned to Miss Patti and asked, in a slurring voice, to take me home.
I was barely out of my party clothes when I passed out, with visions of sugar plums dancing in my head.

After the dinner, while we were watching the videos, Miss Tene called for a shot and a toast. Of course, I was asked to make both! In my toast I said that Thanksgiving was a time to be with your family but, so many there couldn't be among their families. And that it was so great to be together now, surrounded by friends because, friends are the family you pick, not the one you are born into, so here's to my family of friends.

Once again, I feel so lucky to have such blessings in my life.

It was a wonderful night.

25 November 2005

See You On Monday

I just got back from the gym, it's twenty-three degrees fahrenheit out. I am so glad I didn't look at the temperature before I went. It was cold but, not windy. I had a great workout, upping the weights again. My sister was suprised at the way I looked. I am getting too damn obsessed if I am willing to walk two miles to and from the gym. A few days ago, a good friend of mine asked me to spot him on a bench press. When he lifted the weight, the iron bar bent a little, he was benching three hundred and sixty pounds! Like I really could have done anything if he lost control. Jeesh! I was pretty much just moral support. That's about all I could do.
By the way, that's two of me. I am one eighty now.

Luckily the weather is warming up over the weekend. Miss Patti has to work again tomorrow so I will be hoofing it there again.
I have to figure out what I am wearing and get ready for work.

The Big Sweep!

I cleaned to-day. Even more. The living room and the dining room (except for the bit along the wall, see the entry below: Help Wanted--Inquire Within) are now "cleansed". I did a bit in the kitchen and my room. Then it's just the bathroom and I am done until Monday, just a touch up here and there before the guests arrive. Last year was spent cleaning most of the penthouse on Monday and I vowed not to do that again! Side note to Stacy: The bar is done and set up. I am waiting...

I am now going to go to the gym. I have to walk since Miss Patti has to work tonight. Ugh! I will be sure to bundle up like Kenny on South Park. After that, I will get a few more things done and then off to work at Babes Gentleman's Club. Hopefully everyone will be full of holiday cheer and spread a little my way!

I forgot to mention that my cousin Eric is coming up with a few buddies soon and I am going to take him on the town. This will be quite the occasion since I used to go out clubbing with his MOTHER, forchrissakes! That's just...nuts!

Giving Thanks (R)

I had a wonderful time.

I woke up around eight in the morning, after getting to bed around three. I ate a quick breakfast and got ready, fussing over what to wear but, deciding on a simple warm sweater and jeans since I was traveling quite a distance. I made it to the Atlantic City rail terminal and hopped on the train to the wonderful 30th Street Station. I have always loved this train station, very grand and open, a beautiful entranceway for such a great city. I bided my time with a little shopping, had a bit fo coffee and snapped some pictures, fearing the police would grab me an confiscate my camera and detain me as a terrorist casing the station for a future attack. It's a shame that we have to live under armed guard and constant suspicion but, I suppose it's the price we pay for "freedom".

My Mother and step-Father and Betty, his Mother finally came to get me, late, as usual. That's a trait I share with her. She and I will be late for our funerals. Guaranteed. I wasn't concerned, I knew she would be. I simply occupied myself watching everyone hustle to and from the trains and imagining their lives. It's a game I play to pass the time, I make up stories about people I see in public places, sometimes long involved tales of their lives.

The weather was rather nice. We got under way driving down to Maryland to see my Aunt Janet, who I have written about at length in the Cafe before. She moved to a rather rural area of the state, which, for a city boy like myself, is a bit of a shock. I am talking barns. Silos. Fields. Windmills. Cows. It was another planet as far as I am concerned. Hell, you could barely get mobile phone service. But, it is also where part of my family lives and I was very glad to be there among my kith and kin .

It was great to see everyone, my cousin Dawn and her three children, Tara, Eric and Amy. My sister, Danielle and her boyfriend, Mark. My Aunt Janet and Uncle Jerry. My Mother and Barry and Betty. I enjoyed meeting some new people, my cousin's boyfriend and another friend of hers. It was a great time. My cousin Eric is studying to become a sommelier and he chose the wines for before and during dinner, teaching us about the regions and the process of winemaking. It was very nice. Tara told me of her medical schooling. I caught up with Dawn, she and I have always had a special bond. I miss her so. I was asked if there was anyone special in my life, and what I have been doing these past few years that I couldn't make it to Thanksgiving dinner. It was your typical family gathering, I am sure it was repeated everywhere in the country. It was wonderful.

At one point, I did have a moment of reflection outside, as the winds were bringing in the Alberta clipper. I looked up to the heavens. The sky was so dark. Blacker than black. And the stars and planets were so amazing to see. Big and bright. Shining like precious stones with an inner fire. I wanted to reach up and gather them together, and give them to the precious members of my family. It was simply beautiful.

So beautiful.

Dinner was done and the cleanup began. Then coffee and dessert and after dinner drinks. We sat some more, talking and laughing, and laughing and talking. Sitting close and touching each other on the hand, or shoulder, or reaching out for an impromptu hug. It's a small family but loving. I feel safe and loved among them.

Sadly, it came time for goodbyes. We all had to go and get back to doing what we need to do. Our lives have an unfortunate habit of tearing us away from these special moments. I treasure them like those stars I saw in the evening sky.

My sister and Mark gave me a ride home. I slept, as I am want to do when I get in a car. I call it "car quiet". I usually pass out in less than a minute. I woke up in Northfield, not far from Atlantic City. I stopped over my Father's for a moment and then braced myself for the walk home. It may only be three blocks but, with the clipper in full arctic blast, it felt like miles. Now, here I sit, thinking over the day's events, full and content. Both with food and the good feeling of being with my family.

Here's hoping Thanksgiving Day found you in the arms of loved ones.

I have so much to be thankful for. I am truly blessed.

23 November 2005

Where's Mary Bleepin' Poppins When You Need Her?

I am taking a short break. Just cleaning the front window area with all the shelves and plants and knicknacks and dead plant material and various and sundry dirt buildup, is taking it's toll. UGH! It's not like anyone will look at these things up close or in daylight. Oh well, it needed to be done. The end tables and coffee table and under the couch cushions were also done. Now it's on to the small bathroom, then I have to get ready to go to my Father's home for a little visit. Friday is another day and I hope to tackle the dining room and my bedroom. Monday will be the kitchen area.

My Mother rang in a panic, I was going to go to center city Philadelphia tonight and stay overnight so I would be there in the morning to get a ride to Maryland. I changed my plans and told everyone but her. I got so into my cleaning spree, I totally forgot. I quickly jumped to the NJTransit site and told her when I would be at the train station, waiting to be collected. She can now sleep soundly.

I cooked a quick boxed chili and it blew up all over the microwave. Nice. Like I needed another bloody thing to clean! Ugh!

Back to work!

Help Wanted--Inquire Within

I am not getting as much done as I want to. It's a daunting task and I am a bit overwhelmed. I really should just hire a housekeeper. That would just save me the trouble of doing it all myself. My flatmates are no help. La Chunk is in Philadelphia until after Thursday which means the clothing that is stopping up the works in the laundry area will continue to stop up the works (not just what's in the actual machines but what is all over the folding table and hanging on the garmet rack). And Mommie Dearest is currently napping and when she awakes, she'll be getting ready for work which means, the items you see above that are stacked wall-to-wall and floor-to-ceiling will be going nowhere, fast! I am doing the things I can, like washing the rugs from the kitchen floor, I fixed the toilet in the green bathroom, I am taking everything off the dining room table and putting away (read: In Super Chunk's room because it's all his), I took out Chunkie's air conditioner and I am trying to tackle the living room, which is a horror of Faux Oriental, Mommie Dearest's favourite milieu. I hate all the little statues of Buddah and geishas and crap lying about collecting dust. UGH!
I have to drink the rest of this pot of joe and get my ass in gear for the task ahead!

CALGON take me away!

Put It To Bed, Dear.

Are we still going on about the banner ads over on AOL?
I mean, it's been how long now?
They are here to stay and that's not really a suprise, if you had thought about it. I did. That's why I gave it until this past weekend. I am moving on. Yes, I am still doing the AOL Cafe. Yes, it will remain private. Yes, this entry won't be repeated over there.

I just finished watching the American Music Awards. I loved the Eurythmics. Annie Lennox is a goddess! The Rolling Stones didn't impress me. Neither did Cedric. I thought he was a bit out of his element and seemed a bit stiff. Lot's of lip-synching. Are you a dancer or a singer? Are you getting an award for song sales or dance moves? So, why are you dancing live and singing fake? I mean, if they want to give out awards to lip-synching artists, I am one of the best in the business and I have made quite a career out of it before I switched to bartending. I'll get up there and show you how it's done!

I went to dinner. I am still digesting the meal so I will write about it later. Yes, they showed up.

I was very happy.

I have to get myself together for the gym. Miss Patti is under orders to come and get me. I need to go to the gym if I am going to survive this week of eating rich, delicious foods. And with the weather getting so chilly, I won't be doing my walks quite as much. She had the nerve to drop off a test batch of homemade tiramisu. I will kill her! It's bad enough I will be eating it next Monday but now I have a whole mess of it in my icebox.

22 November 2005

Dinner Plans? (R)

I am a total idiot. Really, I am.

I am actually contemplating going to dinner with Phil, my asswipe of a friend that stood me up many times before (see: Alone Again, Naturally) and his girlfriend. I totally forgot that Rose asked me on Saturday and now today, they are both text messaging me about it.
If, and this is a huge IF, I go, THEY are definitely paying. And I am ordering big ticket items!

Yesterday's Forecast: Rain And Tears (R)

Poor Bank of America. I'll bet they didn't see all this happening. Stupid bastards! So many of the journals have raked them over the coals like nobody's business, mostly because they had the unfortunate position of being the first of the hated banner ads. I almost feel sorry for the billion dollar gorilla.


I didn't write about it then but, I was an emotional wreck yesterday. Don't ask me why. I think it's just because I was still exhausted from the weekend. Having to squeeze so much work in three days can be a bit draining. And before the naysayers start bitching and moaning about the fact that I am just making cocktails, and pretty much getting paid for partying, remember how you feel after one evening out on the town. Now, you go out for a few hours, I average thirty hours in three days, that's thirty hours of being in a nightclub. That's a whole lotta time out. And not only am I making drinks, I am putting up with a whole lot of drunks and crackheads and trying to eek out a dollar or two while I am at it. Yes, I do, on occasion, make a nice tip, and the job is definitely worth the effort but, the toll on my body, and this week my psyche, can be a bit steep. Those in the service industry can relate, you have to be "on" the whole time because everyone wants you to be the entertainer as well as the barkeep. If you don't, you don't make any money. Or any real money.

Which brings me to my emotional state yesterday. I was a nut. I am laying about on the couch, watching this and that when
The Ellen DeGeneres Show came on. She's in New York City this week. She had the cast of the upcoming movie Rent on and they sang "Seasons of Love". Well, by the time I heard the first few piano notes, I was bawling my eyes out. Not ten minutes before, I was laughing my fool head off at her antics at a Manhattan firehouse and now I was in a pool of my own tears, uncontrollably crying. Of course, I went into a downward spiral about my lost friends.

And that wasn't the end of it.Later, during the show "First Comes Love" on the
LOGO channel, I lost it again. The show gives a wedding to a gay couple in two weeks (don't worry, my conservative friends, it happens in Canada. You still have made marrige and lifelong happiness for my people illegal in this country founded on freedoms. Let me just say, thanks for your generosity of spirit, pricks). It's usually pretty funny, especially with a male couple and the host, Scott Thompson from Kids in the Hall. When they get to the families, though, it usually gets weepy. Most of the time, the families are so loving, and so wonderful and accepting and that's when I lose it. And I lost it big time last night. I just started thinking about all the people I know that don't have that luxury. That are not welcome in their own family homes, simply because of their sexuality. And here on the telly, these lucky people are celebrating their love in a ceremony sanctioned by the state and in front of their parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents and friends. It's just wonderful.
Which is why I throw my Alternate Thanksgiving for those orphaned by their families. Those who are not welcome by the very people we have always been taught will love you forever. I bring them in to my home because I feel that your friends are the family you pick, not the one you got stuck with. I am blessed with being accepted by my family but, I love my friends like they are my kin. And I grieve when the holidays come around and I know that they hurt so much because they cannot go home.

I don't want to make it sound like I was on the verge of razorblades and warm baths. Far from it. I think I was still exhausted and in need of more sleep. I didn't have my usual defenses and steel cages up around those feelings and they came out and played havoc with my conscience mind. It actually felt good, in a way, to have that kind of cathartic release.

All better now. Back to the vicious bitch Mortimer you all know and love!

My VIVI Award!

Now this sucks. Patrick, formerly of Patrick's Place on AOL just sent me this graphic. I had to send him an email refusing to use it. Since I disqualified myself from the VIVI Awards, I cannot, in good conscience use the graphic on the AOL Cafe, since that was the journal nominated and the awards were AOL/Jland-centric. But, I will put it up here, at least in this entry.

It's nice, isn't it.

Damn, I finally win something and I go and muck it all up.

Learning New Things

I have to figure out how to put my favourite journals on here. I don't think the format I chose allows for it but, I may be wrong. I also don't like the delay in posting my entry and when it actually shows up. Even when you edit it, it takes a bit for it to show up in the corrected/edited form. I recently had a grammer error I wanted to correct, something small but annoying that I fixed but, it took forever to show up. Other than that, I do like the new digs and the nifty layout. I am trying to post a picture so this is why I am writing this entry. It seems that it works. Good. And now, I have just found out how to add multiple images. This is good. I never knew this ancient hag could learn new tricks. There's life in these bones, still!
By the way, the picture is of me from last Saturday before work. I am hating my hair, it's in that inbetween stage which of course, is when I get the most compliments. All weekend, people were telling me how much they liked my new hairstyle. Believe me, it's simply gelled and thrown back until I get it to a length I like. Fernando is ringing me to come out, as I write this. I am going nowhere in this weather. We are expierencing a nor'easter and it's just miserable out. I hate these storms more than the occasional hurricane (which we're overdue for and we have had doozies, they take out our piers and flood the island) . The nor'easters take out the beaches. We have had some horrible erosion with these storms. Hopefully the new dunes and beach replenishment project will keep the sand where it belongs instead of traveling down the state to Wildwood, where you have to take a taxi to get to the ocean. Their beach is miles wide. Most of it is ours. Bitches.

Ok, this was intended to be a short entry trying out a new thing and I end up writing a whole thing. I have to get up early and go through the penthouse to get it ready for the upcoming party.

I cannot wait! For the party, that is, not the cleaning up part.

21 November 2005

I'm Ugly But, Fabulous (R)

I have decided to keep the Cafe open on AOL. I figured that since I don't pay for the service, I really shouldn't worry about the banner ads (note: I worked for Warner Bros. Studio Stores during the merger with AOL. We got free ISP service for life). I will continue make a statement by not opening the AOL journal to the general public. I don't see the need for the AOL Overlords to make money off of my life. So, I will only give access to J-landers to that journal. I am going to reprint most entries here at the new Cafe (denoted by (R) in the title of the entry). That way, those outside of AOL can read up on my madness. I do like the new neighborhood. Now there are two locations for getting the Cafe experience. I, for one (and probably the only one), think that's a good thing.
Let's see, Saturday. The fireworks never happened. I was not happy. Oh, we got the new list of rules, allright. We are not allowed to drink the alcohol, bottled water or Red Bull. We can only drink what comes out of the gun, the device we use for juices and sodas to mix with the drinks. We cannot comp any drinks unless preapproved by management. I was prepared for all of this, since I had heard about it on Friday. I came in with my own bottle of
Ketel One. I figured hey, they think we're drinking the house away, I'll just bring my own, lol. I only drank the tonic that came out of the gun, so I was good to go. Not that they noticed. I was NOT happy. When you are making a stand and they don't notice, it becomes very frustrating. I kept making a cocktail for myself right in front of them and...nothing. DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!
The rest of the evening was a blur. Miss Patti sat there cutting out our VIP cards that she makes for us and drinking a new flavoured rum combination that I came up with. I haven't named it yet. It's rather sweet and fruity, kind of like me (Amy, be nice!). My second cousin, Jade, popped in and stayed most of the night. She may be working with me soon, we shall see. She is also going to New York City for a modeling gig. She'd better, she's ten feet tall and beautiful! It was slow, painfully slow. We chatted and gossiped and did everything we could to pass the time. Shots were done, comped drinks were given out. Water bottles flowed over the bar like...well...water. As usual, everything at that club changes. Everything at that club stays the same. I made not much more in tips, in fourteen hours no less, than the evening before at
Babes in six hours. That's a tragic turn of events.
Sunday was rather eventful. You won't believe this, I was given an indecent proposal from Fernando of all people! I am under threat of painful death to disclose the dirty details so I can't divulge the particulars. I can only say, Fernando and I are going to be registered at
Tiffany's. Now, after this, I had someone give me a backhanded compliment. He said, "You aren't the best looking guy in here but, you have the greatest personality." The nerve! I wasn't sure how to take that. I refrained from spiking his drink. He gave me his number so...there you go. The rest of the evening had me spending as much time away from the bar as possible. I love my bar-partner, Little Jose, to death but, he tends to get a bit...umm...lazy. I know that it's slow but, every damn dollar counts during the off season. We may not feel like jumping for the smaller crowd but, they are there to have a good time, and we are there to provide it for them. Maybe it's my showbusiness blood, I always treat every time I am on stage as if it's my last. First of all, the people that come to see you want to be entertained, no matter how many are in the audience and second, you never know who is sitting in that audience, it might just be someone with the next job offer. So, as a bartender, you treat a person nice because you never know, you might get a healthy tip from the most unexpected source. I know this is true. I got $100 tip from a horny straight man at a strip club because I showed a little attention and service (although thankfully not the kind he really wanted but, let's not go there). We ended up doing well by the end of the evening. I have some great clientele that comes in to see me during the open bar. They are all in the service industry to they know that if you are getting the drinks for free, tip the bartender well! I met some fun girls from another strip joint and a couple of goth chicks from the Philadelphia area that promised to come back next week.
I came home and immediatly passed out. I live for Coma Mondays!

18 November 2005

Random Entry

Well, I got nothing accomplished today. I don't know why. I just feel so lazy and I sleep on and off all damn day. I have to get ready for the gym soon and then it's work. Yippie! I have been so bored, I canNOT wait to go to work. I really need to find a part time job. I am not one to be left to my own devices. I risk falling back into my anal retentive/obsessive compulsive habits and that won't be good for me or anyone within 500 yards of me.

I think I will get off the damn computer, get my ass in gear and start fixing the toilet. Then I will get ready and go, go, go! Watch out world, Mortimer is leaving the penthouse.

Be afraid, be very afraid!

Self-Imposed Exile (R)

I just got back from the gym. My flatmate gave me a great compliment, he said I am really looking good. That always makes you feel good, especially after working out for so long. I see myself but, when you see it every day, you get a different perspective. Having the outside confirmation that your efforts are noticeable is always a great feeling. There is one thing about the gym that concerns me, I watch the guys, sometimes, not for the reason you might think, it's just to learn technique or a new machine. I just hope that it's not misconstrued that I have alterior motives.
That's for later, at the club!

Miss Patti and I went over the menu, it's looking good, now I have to refine the list a bit because after this weekend, once word gets out that I am doing the Alternate Thanksgiving again, people will be inviting themselves. As long as they bring a dish of food, they are more than welcome. The penthouse is huge. We'll all fit, one way or another.
Gods, it's great to be writing again.
Rome on HBO had me screaming out loud this week. The decapitation scene (not the first and I suspect not the last) was so realistic and so gory, I actually shouted out, "OH MY GOD!" on the top of my voice and woke Chunkie up and he is three rooms away. It was brutal. And it didn't stop. The whole arena scene was just plain insane. It's a great show but, you have to watch it with an iron stomach. Next week, I think Julius Caesar bites the dust. Here we go...the senate...with knives...I can't eat beforehand. I'll probably lose my lunch.
I had a pop up adware on my computer today. That was fun. Every three minutes, my computer locked up and I had to wait for the damn thing to load. I swear the AOL Overlords planted it because I bitched a bit too much about the banner ad at the top of our journals. I'll bet they said, "you don't want that ad, wait till we send this little thing over", LOL! McAfee took care of it, for now.
Tomorrow, precleaning for the party. I have to get so much sorted and thrown out. Fixing the one toilet, yes, I can do such things. Then it's back to the gym and then Babes.
I live for the weekends!

Reprinted From The AOL Cafe

I just got back from the gym. My flatmate gave me a great compliment, he said I am really looking good. That always makes you feel good, especially after working out for so long. I see myself but, when you see it every day, you get a different perspective. Having the outside confirmation that your efforts are noticeable is always a great feeling. There is one thing about the gym that concerns me, I watch the guys, sometimes, not for the reason you might think, it's just to learn technique or a new machine. I just hope that it's not misconstrued that I have alterior motives.

That's for later, at the club!

Miss Patti and I went over the menu, it's looking good, now I have to refine the list a bit because after this weekend, once word gets out that I am doing the Alternate Thanksgiving again, people will be inviting themselves. As long as they bring a dish of food, they are more than welcome. The penthouse is huge. We'll all fit, one way or another.

Gods, it's great to be writing again.

Rome on HBO had me screaming out loud this week. The decapitation scene (not the first and I suspect not the last) was so realistic and so gory, I actually shouted out, "OH MY GOD!" on the top of my voice and woke Chunkie up and he is three rooms away. It was brutal. And it didn't stop. The whole arena scene was just plain insane. It's a great show but, you have to watch it with an iron stomach. Next week, I think Julius Caesar bites the dust. Here we go...the senate...with knives...I can't eat beforehand. I'll probably lose my lunch.

I had a pop up adware on my computer today. That was fun. Every three minutes, my computer locked up and I had to wait for the damn thing to load. I swear the AOL Overlords planted it because I bitched a bit too much about the banner ad at the top of our journals. I'll bet they said, "you don't want that ad, wait till we send this little thing over", LOL! McAfee took care of it, for now.
Tomorrow, precleaning for the party. I have to get so much sorted and thrown out. Fixing the one toilet, yes, I can do such things. Then it's back to the gym and then Babes.

I live for the weekends!

17 November 2005

Getting The Hang Of This

Why do I feel like I am cheating on my AOL Cafe?

Tonight, Miss Patti and I are going to the gym (hooray!) and then we are going over the menu for our alternate Thanksgiving on Monday 28 November. That's going to be fun, all the kids from the club and a few others will be there. Last year was a hoot and with this crew, it should be even better. Then I have tickets for The View on the following morning. Yeah, like I am going to go. Well...maybe, I do love Meredith Viera. I'm thinking I might invite her to the party, that way, she can take us up there in her limo. Not a bad idea!