21 December 2005

Where's All That Light Coming From? Oh...It's Florida!

So, we decided to go out to some bars. First was this little hole-in-the-wall who's name I forget. It was a lot like the Brass Rail, only with a decidedly country flair. I could tell from the cowboy hats and karaoke selections. Yes, karaoke is bad enough. Country karaoke is like knives jammed in your orifices. In every hole on the human body! Since it wasn't my cup of chaw, which I think my friend Billy noticed by my squirming and extreme fidgety-ness, he suggested we go elsewhere.

And what a place he took us to. It was a whole strip mall full of gay bars and gay stores and gay EVERYTHING! It was bizarre. A bizarre bazaar! I could only imagine what it was like on the week-end! We went to one place first, a "sit down/get picked up" kind of place. After a few cocktails and watching the very funny and obscure videos on the screens throughout the club, we decided to go to the dance club a few doors down.

How weird is that? I am telling you, there's a gay bookstore, a gay grocery store, it's like Hazard County but Bo and Luke are kissing cousins and the Boar's Nest is now the Boar's Hole!

So, we go into the club and it's dead. I mean, it was not that busy but, it was the middle of the week. We toured the bar and found a place out of the smoke infested dance floor. It was playing havoc on my sore throat and making me cough. Pretty.
I was minding my own business (no, I wasn't, don't let me lie to you) and I hear this loud female voice behind me demanding a glass of water. The bartender was kind enough to give it to her. She began to walk away. Now, being a bartender myself, and being tanked up on a few cocktails and good food from Tatu, I just HAD to say something to this...this...member of the Lullaby League. She was rather short, like the munchkins in "The Wizard Of Oz". So, I said, "the bartender gave you the water for free, shouldn't you give him something, like a tip?"
Well, that wasn't what she wanted to hear.
After a few "fuck you's" and the "who the hell are you's" her friend, who was standing next to me during all this, began to put his rather limited two cents in as well. Now, he was my size and I was really itching to hit the midget but, since she was short and a woman, I really couldn't. Now her friend, here's a target I could hit without all the guilt. I was given the "you better back off" and "get the hell out" mumblings from this dimwit and you know what, I just couldn't bring myself to knock any sense into him. I mean, in his world, a mind is a terrible thing to use! So I dismissed the both of them, and turned my back.

Damn, he didn't take the bait.

So she came back a bit later and said, "excuse me".
I said, "no, go somewhere else".
She replied, "I said excuse me!" and began to push me out of the way. Oh my gods, did I feel like an idiot. The Lollypop League is trying to move me out of the way!
She said, "you don't know who I am!"
To which I replied, "you don't tip, I don't want to know you".
Her friend watched from the pool table and never came to her defense. Wimp!

I moved out of her way and she got a cocktail, and guess what? She left a healthy tip for the bartender, which made it all worth it!
Of course, Chunkie only saw the second part of this whole thing and accused me of picking on munchkins. Bastard!

We left after finishing our drinks, I will not waste alcohol, and went back to the hotel. I was hot to death by now. I was glad I passed out rather quickly.

Thursday, we shopped!

1 comment:

  1. Ahhh ... gay bars galore, you must have found Wilton Manors :0
    A fight with a munchkin? Just glad nobody got hurt.
    So ... what did you buy on Thursday anyway?
    *** Coy ***