22 November 2005

Yesterday's Forecast: Rain And Tears (R)

Poor Bank of America. I'll bet they didn't see all this happening. Stupid bastards! So many of the journals have raked them over the coals like nobody's business, mostly because they had the unfortunate position of being the first of the hated banner ads. I almost feel sorry for the billion dollar gorilla.


I didn't write about it then but, I was an emotional wreck yesterday. Don't ask me why. I think it's just because I was still exhausted from the weekend. Having to squeeze so much work in three days can be a bit draining. And before the naysayers start bitching and moaning about the fact that I am just making cocktails, and pretty much getting paid for partying, remember how you feel after one evening out on the town. Now, you go out for a few hours, I average thirty hours in three days, that's thirty hours of being in a nightclub. That's a whole lotta time out. And not only am I making drinks, I am putting up with a whole lot of drunks and crackheads and trying to eek out a dollar or two while I am at it. Yes, I do, on occasion, make a nice tip, and the job is definitely worth the effort but, the toll on my body, and this week my psyche, can be a bit steep. Those in the service industry can relate, you have to be "on" the whole time because everyone wants you to be the entertainer as well as the barkeep. If you don't, you don't make any money. Or any real money.

Which brings me to my emotional state yesterday. I was a nut. I am laying about on the couch, watching this and that when
The Ellen DeGeneres Show came on. She's in New York City this week. She had the cast of the upcoming movie Rent on and they sang "Seasons of Love". Well, by the time I heard the first few piano notes, I was bawling my eyes out. Not ten minutes before, I was laughing my fool head off at her antics at a Manhattan firehouse and now I was in a pool of my own tears, uncontrollably crying. Of course, I went into a downward spiral about my lost friends.

And that wasn't the end of it.Later, during the show "First Comes Love" on the
LOGO channel, I lost it again. The show gives a wedding to a gay couple in two weeks (don't worry, my conservative friends, it happens in Canada. You still have made marrige and lifelong happiness for my people illegal in this country founded on freedoms. Let me just say, thanks for your generosity of spirit, pricks). It's usually pretty funny, especially with a male couple and the host, Scott Thompson from Kids in the Hall. When they get to the families, though, it usually gets weepy. Most of the time, the families are so loving, and so wonderful and accepting and that's when I lose it. And I lost it big time last night. I just started thinking about all the people I know that don't have that luxury. That are not welcome in their own family homes, simply because of their sexuality. And here on the telly, these lucky people are celebrating their love in a ceremony sanctioned by the state and in front of their parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents and friends. It's just wonderful.
Which is why I throw my Alternate Thanksgiving for those orphaned by their families. Those who are not welcome by the very people we have always been taught will love you forever. I bring them in to my home because I feel that your friends are the family you pick, not the one you got stuck with. I am blessed with being accepted by my family but, I love my friends like they are my kin. And I grieve when the holidays come around and I know that they hurt so much because they cannot go home.

I don't want to make it sound like I was on the verge of razorblades and warm baths. Far from it. I think I was still exhausted and in need of more sleep. I didn't have my usual defenses and steel cages up around those feelings and they came out and played havoc with my conscience mind. It actually felt good, in a way, to have that kind of cathartic release.

All better now. Back to the vicious bitch Mortimer you all know and love!

1 comment:

  1. You just want to be a bitch. We know otherwise. You are a softie and we know it:)