First Posted 13 February 2008

"Get Your Stinking Paws Off Me You Damn Dirty Ape!"

Current mood:crushed

One of the best lines ever uttered in a movie, to those who don't know where it's from, it's The Planet of the Apes. I awoke at four-thirty in the morning and I cannot sleep. I grabbed the remote and began to click, click, click through the channels on basic cable. One infomercial after another scrolled by, "Lose weight with this device!", "Make a ton of money listening to these tapes!", "Grow your own herbs right on the kitchen counter!", "Take this pill and grow 'that certain part of a man's body'", "Abs!", "Invest!", everything you ever needed is right there on your television overnight sent through a little cable to your bedroom. Just watch and you will rule the world, with a six-pack, a big dick and an investment portfolio. I clicked more and more finally landing on a familiar face. Someone I wanted to know, Dr. Zira. A familiar place. Somewhere I wanted to live when I was a child, ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Ape City. American Movie Classics was running one of my favourite movies. It's a movie that I fell in love with during a very tough time in my childhood, my parents' ratherunfriendly divorce. I wanted to live in Ape City and meet the characters. I loved the carved architecture of the buildings, both interiors and exteriors. I loved Drs. Cornelius and Zira's compassion for the "human animals" and love for each other. I wanted to debate Dr. Zeus on his "Sacred Scrolls". I loved the divisions of their society, so clear and concise. The gorillas were the soldiers, the chimpanzees were the scientists and the orangutans were the bureaucrats.

I loved the music of the movie, so odd and dramatic and primal. I loved the paradox inherent in the movie's premise: that humans evolved from apes, killed each other and then apes ruled humans and the earth, or what was left of it. Heady stuff for a twelve-year-old but I ate it up.

So I sat and watched the movie, a welcome respite from the dreck found throughout the wasteland of channels left to me, alternating from lying down, sitting up, covers on, covers off. The weather outside changed during my sleep, a quick check of The Weather Channel tells me that it's nearly sixty degrees outside my windows. It was in the teens just two days ago, I can't understand Mother Nature's mood swings anymore but, then again, women are more than a pair of heels and some make-up, I may play one on stage but that don't mean I understand the beautiful creatures.

The movie ended and I sat there, wondering what to do next. A mini-documentary on 2001: A Space Odyssey came on next, detailing the brouhaha that accompanied the release of the movie. Or, the lack thereof. What was one of the reviews? Oh, I remember, "It was so boring, I wanted to kill myself but I couldn't!"

Damn. That wasn't nice! They did cover the fact that when the counter-culture crowd turned on, tuned in and dropped acid when watching it, it took off. I can see why. That last part would be cool as hell on some blotter. They interviewed Kier Dullea, he still looks good.

I get up and go to the bathroom and marvel at the water in theMansfield, sloshing around like a tempest in a toilet bowl. I know it's windy out but, our building is solid, there's no shaking or swaying going on, it's odd that the water would behave so. I do my business and pad to the kitchen to get a pretzel to nosh on as I watch what's next on the television, Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Ahh…I love a double feature!

I will sit here, I guess, and wait for the sun to come up, although I don't believe it's going to do much good with the weather forecast I saw before I went to bed. "Went to bed", that's a laugh. I sleep less and less during the week. Maybe I should see a doctor about getting some Ambien. Or just ring up my connection…

I will sit here and wonder what the hell to do with my life. Miss Patti and I have a tentative date to look through her fabrics and come up with a new frock for my Café on Friday.

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Mark your calendars: Mortimer's Café this coming Friday, at the Westside Lounge. One o'clock showtime with special guest star Tammy!

I don't relish having to spend the day in the Hobbit house. Maybe I can get her to go to the mall?

Time to sit. Watch.