15 January 2006

Saturday Off. What. Ever.

It's just my rotten luck. We are a bit behind on the cable bill which sucks, normally but, we're not in the danger of having our link to the outside world shut off, yet. The problem is, the remote broke. The little metal connectors that link the batteries are now floating around inside the damn thing. I can't fix it and the worse thing, I can't replace it until we are caught up with our payments. Now the problem is that being without a job means catching up on payments will be very hard to do. And, being without a job means I only have one escape, the telly! THIS SUCKS! It's not that I am lazy, by the way, and won't get up off the couch to change the channels. It's just that we have EVERY bloody channel! All of them. Every premium movie channel, all the HDTV channels, every sports channel, and it's not like Comcast puts the channels in any particular order so, scrolling through a million channels to get to the one you want (that is when you remember the number it's on) is a pain in my tuchis!

Yesterday, I got up early and had a cup of Joe. Well, there must have been rocket fuel in there because I was on a tear shortly thereafter. I don't know what got in to me but, I just started organizing everything. You know those piles of papers that collect on a table, or two. And that box over there...wait...what the hell IS in that box anyway? And that cabinet, what's in there, exactly, and why does it deserve a huge cabinet all by itself? Then there was the cooler sitting in the dining room still full of beer from the Alternate Thanksgiving. I forgot all about it since my flatmates put all this junk around it and I didn't even remember it was sitting there. So, while my other roommate, Mommie Dearest, took down the Christmas decorations, I cleaned and sorted the detrius of my life, and La Chunk's life. Oh, he was watching a movie. A John Waters flick and if you are familiar with the director, you know how sick that was. During the day, Mommie Dearest and I stopped and acted out a few of the scenes in the movie.
I was on a roll, and wanted to do more but, Miss Patti rang me up wanting to go to the mall. It seems she had a few gift certificates burning a hole one of her thousands of pocketbooks and wanted to spend! Spend! SPEND! Well, I couldn't let her spend alone, and neither could Chunkie so, we got showered (I hadn't showered since Wed and it was now Sat, shh, don't tell) and dressed and went SHOPPING! The Hamilton Mall was packed, like Christmas, ugh! Luckily, they got rid of all the holiday extras, the additional racks full of things you only see around Christmas and the fakafta decorations. So, even though it was busy, there was more room to shop. Mind you, I had exactly two dollars in my wallet so, I was at the mercy of my friends. I was simply brought along as the donkey, to carry the goods back to the
chariot. That's fine. I got a meal out of it at Ruby Tuesdays. I bumped into a few of my customers from the club, working there.That was fun. When we got our check, we noticed that we didn't pay for a few things, which always makes my day. I love connections. The food was scrumptious! We got the burgers, which are always good. I opted for the "Macho Nacho Burger". Big, beefy and spicy, just like me! And let me just say, their bloody Marys are t-a-s-t-y! After a bit of shopping at Hot Topic, where I got a cute fitted pinstriped shirt, and Macy*s, where Miss Patti got a chair back massager that, frankly, is better than sex, we went on our way. Oh, she also had a gift card for one of those, what I call, Smelly Stores. Bath beads and candles and such. I didn't go in. With my nose, I go into olfactory overload and want to die.

We had plans to go to the movies to see the flick, The Chronicles of Narnia and identify the religious passages used throughout the film but, Chunk had to go to work. Miss Patti and I came to the penthouse and played on the computer (she got advance tickets for the upcoming King Tut exhibition that will be in Philadelphia in 2007) and then we sat down and watched, with the lights off and in surround sound, Underworld, the ultra cool and stylish vampire/werewolf flick. She had never seen it and I just LOVE that movie. The bonus was, they had previews sprinkled throughout the showing of the upcoming sequel Underworld: Evolution, opening next Friday! Woohoo! I loves me some vampire movies. I mean, they are about my kith and kin!

We decided to go to the gym after the movie, which ended at 10:30p. Well, when we looked outside, there was a few inches of SNOW on the ground! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN! Just a few hours before, I was walking around outside in a T-shirt and light jacket and now I am in a blizzard! My father always said, "If you live in New Jersey, you can live anywhere. We have ALL the weather!". Well, he's right. Needless to say, I walked Miss Patti down to her car, scraped the three inches of snow off the damn thing and sent her on her way before it got too bad. The rest of the evening was spent having to get up and put the channel back on that I was watching because the power kept going out and the telly kept going off and reseting to the Comcast channel. Not to mention that I wrote this whole entry last night and lost it in a power outage! Ugh!

Today, it seems my options are...well...rather limited. There are hellacious wind gusts outside and it's 29F/-1C degrees out. I ain't goin' nowhere! Except the gym with Little Jose, later, then work. Which, I have an inkling, will SUCK tonight.

Life, from one painful moment...to the next!


  1. I'd love to spend a day with you. I doubt I'll ever get to New Jersey, but I think I would have a blast spending a day with you and yours. Your Saturday sounded like a lot of fun. Even the cleaning part - which there must be something in the air on that one because this morning when I was cleaning house, I got the notion to clean out medicine cabinets, etc. Wow, we had a lot of outdated meds in there.

    No fair you got the snow in New Jersey; we did get the wind here.

    I had to chuckle about the remote being broken. There's something about poetic justice in there somehow somewhere. My husband and son channel hop/shop/whatever with the remote. Makes me dizzy and drives me crazy. To have a remote out of commission brings a certain satisfaction to me.

    Have a good Sunday whatever you do. I'm off to watch the Steelers.


  2. A busy day like that is always fun.

    We got the wind here...but no snow. I was a little disappointed!

  3. Sounds like you could way outdo Rachael Ray! "Mortimer's $2 a Day"

    Idea about the remote: Maybe you could get one of those universal remotes for $11. Most of them can be configured with any cable box:)

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  4. LOL at Betty's certain satisfaction. Bet every girl in town would love to have been in Ms Patti's shoes on Saturday. I'm sure she knows she's a lucky girl to have a friend like Mort.
    Let her know that we're thinking about her as her surgery date gets closer.
    Life doesn't sound so painful Mort ... can't wait to find out what's in store for you next.
    *** Coy ***

  5. If I would have came and hung out with you I would not have this hella bad hangover. It's 11:46pm, and I still have it. tastey blood mary's and massages better than sex..oi. Sounds like a dream..the cleaning bums me out. At some point in my "condition" last nite I spilled meatballs everywhere...they are even on the bathroom mirror??? put your comfy chair close to the T.V. and take a the smooth end of a broom stick, and it works like a charm as a T.V. changer. Smiles