Fanatics!

"Damn Yankee, you wouldn't know style if it bit your dick off."-Anonymous comment left on this journal

It seems I have a fan! I am so excited. But, let me just say this, Anonymous, that you seem to be the one without the dick since you didn't even have the balls to sign your rather risque comment.
Thanks again from taking the time out of your busy day to leave me some...ahem...love. At least for that second, you left somebody else alone. For that, I am most grateful!

No News Is Not Good News (R)

When I first saw the blurb about me losing my job for a month, I was, in a word, speechless. Chunkie came over from the living room to see what had me so upset. I rang everyone that would be affected, sounding the alarm, so to speak, and then I left a message with my manger to see if he could shed some light on this rather pertinent subject. I mean, I really didn't like the fact that I would be working the whole evening on New Year's Eve and then be told, "Hoy, cheers, thanks alot! See you in a month." He rang back and left a message on my mobile that if I wanted to talk, he would be at the club last night and we could talk.

After showering, I got to the club and he was doing liquor inventory so I had to wait to speak to him. I had previously arranged for Miss Patti to pick me up and take me to the gym (she had a staff Christmas party to attend at a bar in my neighborhood). By the time he was finished, Patti had arrived. He still had things to attend to so, I decided to go to the gym whilst he did his thing and then come back for a meeting. Miss Patti was insistent she was going to pick me up from the gym and take me back to the club, I had informed her of the upcoming closure so she wanted to have first hand information of my meeting with my manager.

I didn't ring Patti because, I just needed to clear my head before I sat down with my GM. Thankfully, I went to the gym and worked out really hard and walked the five miles to the club before the meeting. I was able to blow off a lot of steam and get my thoughts straight before dealing with this. I am glad I did because our meeting was rather serious. We started off by agreeing to take the gloves off and talk straight up about a few things. It got heated very quickly. Those who are regular readers of the Cafe know I have been very unhappy with my manager and it has been affecting my job performance. We dealt with a lot of issues before even addressing the closure. He has been very unhappy with me and with good reason, I am big enough to admit that I can be a prima donna and very judgemental. I can also be quite the "spoiled brat" and annoying and he gave me a much deserved dressing down about a few things. And I am very glad that we had this chat. It was needed. I am hoping it cleared a lot of air between us and things will change where our working relationship and our friendship is concerned.

As an aside, things are done between my former friend Phil and I. I learned something at the meeting that "broke the camel's back", as they say. I do not, and will not, suffer so-called friends such as that.

"Here's your knife from my back, Phil, it didn't go with my outfit."

To continue, I now know that Sundays are being moved over to Club Tru (using the Studio staff), so I will still have at least one shift a week to count on. They may split shifts or give us something else during the interim to compensate (although nothing will quite compensate the main bar on a Saturday night). The silver lining is, after the renovations are finished, we will have a whole new reason for patrons to come to the Studio Six. Something to look forward to. People will come out of the woodwork to see what we've done to the old girl!

And I will be there.

Waiting to serve.

Inertia, Part II

I have done nothing.

Oh, alright, I did update my address book from all the wonderful Christmas cards that J-land members among others sent to me. Thank you to everyone for the lovely sentiments. I wrote "thank you" notes for all the parties I was invited to and attended and all the gifts that I received during the season. I still have a few more to write, as I am writing this, I just remembered a few more people that I need to thank. I did three loads of laundry, Just Chunk gummed up the works, again, so I had to wait until after the holiday to do my laundry that has been waiting for over two weeks. Lovely. I also sent out my taxes from last year and cleaned a little.
I want to go to the gym but, Miss Patti has to attend an office party and Little Jose is at his new job, he's working at Evo, the restaurant I worked at last year. So, I am S.O.O.L. where working out is concerned. I just made dinner for Chunkie and I am waiting for him to awaken from his nappy-poo. Oh, the dinner rolls are done, gotta go!

Much Ado

I passed out on the couch last evening, whilst watching The Phantom of the Opera. It's not that the movie put me to sleep, believe me, I woke up as soon as I heard "Music Of The Night" and swooned all over again for the Phantom. Gerard Butler can whisk me away to his underground lair beneath an opera house any day he wants to! How about now? But, I digress. La Chunk put the movie on early, since there wasn't a damn thing on (except the last Monday Night Football. Hmm...and I opted for a movie version of a Broadway play, go figure). We also watched the biography of Angie Dickinson. She's what they used to call a "broad". And I mean that in the best sense. She's bawdy and sexy and one of the boys but, definitely all woman! Now, why am I telling you all about my viewing habits of last night? What meaning does any of this have to the diary entry you are reading?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Christmas Rain

It's raining here on the island. It's a balmy fifty-four degrees (f). Go figure, last month it was snowing and now, it's like a rainy, chilly fall day. Just got back from my Father's and step-mother's home and Christmas dinner. This year, my Father has been watching the food network so he cooked stuffed eggplant. Very tasty! We usually do some sort of Italian feast on Christmas since Thanksgiving is so close and we are all too sick of eating turkey or ham. Everything was wonderful. My sister and her boyfriend were in attendance, which was nice, I never get to see her with her working as a teacher in Philadelphia and I doing my thing on the weekends in Atlantic City. We have compleately opposite schedules so when I get to see her, it's extra special. My Father didn't harangue me for a change. I guess the fact that I have been over his abode three times in the last two months is working it's magic. I know I was remiss in not visiting but, life has a habit of getting in the way. I do resolve to visit him more often.
Now I am going to pass out on the couch and nap before I have to work tonight (which I still haven't a clue if I really have to work).

God Bless Us Everyone!-Tiny Tim. Bite Me!- Mortimer.

I didn't get my yearly visit by Jacob Marley and the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future so I have no Christmas spirit, again. Actually, I am not as "Bah Humbug!" as in years past but, I just don't have any visions of sugar plums and ho, ho, ho either. I have come to the conclusion that the holidays, especially this one, is more for young innocent children than jaded urban socialites like myself. And that's just fine by me 'cause I ain't popping out any ankle biters any time soon.

I went to Miss Tene's annual Christmas Eve party. It was nice, if a bit cramped. She has a quaint little apartment uptown and usually invites pretty much all of Atlantic City to attend so it can get a bit sardine-like after a short while. It spills out into the hallway and laundry room area next door quite quickly. Miss Patti and I arrived rather early, around 9:30pm, which is very early for us. We had our gifts in hand and quickly exchanged them for a plate of food and a cocktail. I thought is was an even trade. I have done a whole lot more for a free meal and drink than one measly Christmas present. We sat and kibitzed for a bit, having a great time and catching up. I saw April, who I met last year at the party. She has been busy at school and she asked me how my year has been. I started my usual answer of not really doing anything, you know the pat party chatter that you give to people when you really don't know what to say. And then I began to recite what I had done over the past year. And I was really surprised.

I have done a lot.

Boston twice, Ft. Lauderdale and South Beach, met Coy, Thanksgiving with my family and the Alternate Thanksgiving with my friends, my hair has been a red mohawk, short and blue, blonde spikes and now a Carol Brady shag, I started the gym and have been going religiously, I started a new job, and many many other things. Wow. I had such a revelation standing there. What a difference a year makes. And that was just with me, the world has seen quite a year as well but, I'll leave that to the news organizations to wrap all that up you.

And I must say, this was a great year because I didn't lose anyone.
That is always a great year. Because I have lost so many. So many friends.

I have done a lot this year and for that I am greatful. It has been a "wonderful life" I guess, for me at least.

Oh gods, did I just get visited by Jacob and friends without realizing it. Sneaky bastards.

God bless us, everyone, indeed!

So, as I sit here, digesting the French toast I made for myself (and it was really good!) and watching the God programming on all the channels on Christmas morning, I want to wish all of you in J-land a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Whether you celebrate with a religious or secular nature, I hope the season finds you safe and healthy.

Miss America Shuns Pageant!

Guess who I ran into at the Hamilton Mall?

Miss America 1998 Kate Shindle! She looked fabulous! Gods, I love her. She was in The Stepford Wives recently. I asked her if she was going to Las Vegas for the pageant in January, and she answered with a resounding "NO!". I love it. She said she'll pop into the club to see me. I hope so, she loves my chocolate martinis. Then again, who doesn't!

The New York Times had an article recently (See: Miss America as She Used to Be) talking about the changes in the upcoming pageant. Now, if you read the article, you will see that it says EVERYTHING I have been saying year after year. PUT THE PAGEANT BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS! Big hair, fabulous gowns, bad talent, the whole shebang. Stop the Fashion Bug/Walmart fashion segment, stop the jeopardy questions, we know the girls are smart, most of them are one year away from being doctors or lawyers and we know the girls are dumb, HULLO! It's a beauty pageant, we ain't thinking about their brains when we look at them in a swimsuit. Well, it's exactly what they are doing.
They just ain't doin' it in Atlantic City anymore.

Whatever (see: Fallout).

It was good to see Kate and meet her brother.
Did I say she looked gorgeous?!

Holidays Or Mortimer Is Poor

I bloody hate the bloody holidays. Bloody Hell! This is sucking the life out of me. I live hand to mouth pretty much throughout the year but, it's generally "summertime, and the living is easy" during that time. The holidays are not easy. When your whole existence is predicated on the kindness of strangers (read: tips) you are S.O.O.L. when it comes to the season of giving. People are not really going to go out and hand their hard earned coins to you when Macy's and Walmart and the gods know what else are offering their wares for pennies and all I have is a good stiff drink for $9.00. I can only hope that all those Christmas coins come pouring out of those stockings after this hateful holiday and into my pockets.
My landlord is getting a bit over my protestations of poverty. I guess I would be, too.
Hey, it's not my fault they raised the rent.

I went to our annual Club Tru/Studio Six Christmas party on Wednesday. What a difference new owners make. We didn't have the pollyanna (which is good, I got the WORST GIFT EVER one year and I don't want to beat my own record) and it wasn't held at Mama Motts, the fabulous Italian restaurant that we always have it at. We did have it in the Oak Room (now called Tommy's Bar), the little bar attached to the hotel at the club and there was some foodstuffs put out and we got to drink the expensive hooch. And our new owner gave us all presents.

This is where I must remind you who my new owners are. I was trying to find a link but, I think the name of the company is reminder enough: The Red Barn Adult Book Store.

You can see in the picture above what I got for Christmas. I do like the nifty leather stocking! You can only imagine what I couldn't photograph. I have no idea what some of it is for. Chunkie was actually laughing at me. He finds it very funny that I am one of the most jaded persons he knows but, when it comes to sex, I am like a little girl, all squeamish and giggly and bashful! Well, I am. I admit it. When it comes to "that stuff" I am very...vanilla.

Today, I get to use La Chunk's credit line and go buy a present for Miss Tene. She is having her annual Christmas Eve bash at her abode down in the inlet. That's always fun, a hundred plus people crammed into an apartment having cocktails and just enjoying themselves. I can't wait. But what do you buy for the "girl" that has everything?

MAC Cosmetics, here I come!

For Sale, Florida!

I woke up with a wicked hangover. Of course. We decided that to-day, we are going shopping. If you know my flatmate, Just Chunk, you know he cannot go more than forty-eight hours without purchasing something from a retail establishment. He is what capitalism was made for.
We noshed with our friend Billy at this quaint little diner called...get this...oooh....wait...it's really good...the Peter Pan Diner! Can you believe it? It was so good. I mean, I am from New Jersey, the only thing we have more than mobsters, is diners. So I know of where I speak. The waitress staff was about 78% nicotine, 12% caffeine and the rest human, they knew the menu inside/out and were crusty and friendly all at the same time. The food was diner food, which is just what my hung condition needed. I loved it. The bus boys had T-shirts that said they were the Lost Boys and there were little Peter Pan knick-nacks all over the place. Not too much, just enough.
After our brunch, we left Billy and went on our way to a mall. Pick a mall. It doesn't matter.
We went to Burdines...oops, they're all Macy's now. Here's where it got a bit funny, La Chunk has never known his credit limit at this particular establishment.
Let's just say, when he let me listen to the automated response on the white courtesy help phone, I pulled the damn thing out of the wall!
We shopped!
And we shopped!
Gods, do I love credit!
I found a fabulous "soccer" jacket that said London on the front. The only one left was on the display dummy. They were normally $70, on sale for $24 which I thought was good. The kindly clerk came over and searched for the jacket, couldn't find it so, he dismantled the display, just for me!
And guess what, it was marked down even more, I got it for the low, low price of $15! Do I know how to shop or what?
Then we went to the movies. We saw King Kong! Boy, oh boy was this movie fantastic! It is absolutely perfect! What an adventure. It made the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park look like claymation! The acting is top notch, the action is really amazing, New York in the thirties, perfect! What a tour-de-force of movie making. Peter Jackson is a genius and this movie seals that title. I cried at the end. Even though you know what happens, the pathos is so real and so touching, you can't help but feel for the big ape.
Then we shopped. Again! This time Dillard's. I love this department store. It's old fashioned, more homey, unlike Macy's or Sear's or the uber-Marts. We didn't really get the bargins I hoped for but, we still shopped like fiends.
Did I say I love credit!
We then met up with Billy again and had dinner, outside, under his carport. It was so nice, to be sitting there in DECEMBER eating dinner outside in a bloody T-shirt looking at his Christmas light decorated version of Wisteria Lane. And it is. Let me tell you, all the neighbors came over to meet and greet. It was so damn funny. And gay. Very gay. It's like Gay Heaven!
Strange.
I wanted a coconut so Billy marched over to his neighbor's home and picked one right off the tree. LOL! I am waiting for it to ripen to throw some rum in it and have a cocktail! You can't have citrus trees anymore, there was a blight and they can't risk the mass market crops. If you have one, they come over and chop the thing down and haul it away.
We were going to go out but, we decided to get an early day of it on Friday before we had to go back to the third world Miami Airport and go home.
Where I am now, freezing my tush off.

Where's All That Light Coming From? Oh...It's Florida!

So, we decided to go out to some bars. First was this little hole-in-the-wall who's name I forget. It was a lot like the Brass Rail, only with a decidedly country flair. I could tell from the cowboy hats and karaoke selections. Yes, karaoke is bad enough. Country karaoke is like knives jammed in your orifices. In every hole on the human body! Since it wasn't my cup of chaw, which I think my friend Billy noticed by my squirming and extreme fidgety-ness, he suggested we go elsewhere.

And what a place he took us to. It was a whole strip mall full of gay bars and gay stores and gay EVERYTHING! It was bizarre. A bizarre bazaar! I could only imagine what it was like on the week-end! We went to one place first, a "sit down/get picked up" kind of place. After a few cocktails and watching the very funny and obscure videos on the screens throughout the club, we decided to go to the dance club a few doors down.

How weird is that? I am telling you, there's a gay bookstore, a gay grocery store, it's like Hazard County but Bo and Luke are kissing cousins and the Boar's Nest is now the Boar's Hole!

So, we go into the club and it's dead. I mean, it was not that busy but, it was the middle of the week. We toured the bar and found a place out of the smoke infested dance floor. It was playing havoc on my sore throat and making me cough. Pretty.
I was minding my own business (no, I wasn't, don't let me lie to you) and I hear this loud female voice behind me demanding a glass of water. The bartender was kind enough to give it to her. She began to walk away. Now, being a bartender myself, and being tanked up on a few cocktails and good food from Tatu, I just HAD to say something to this...this...member of the Lullaby League. She was rather short, like the munchkins in "The Wizard Of Oz". So, I said, "the bartender gave you the water for free, shouldn't you give him something, like a tip?"
Well, that wasn't what she wanted to hear.
After a few "fuck you's" and the "who the hell are you's" her friend, who was standing next to me during all this, began to put his rather limited two cents in as well. Now, he was my size and I was really itching to hit the midget but, since she was short and a woman, I really couldn't. Now her friend, here's a target I could hit without all the guilt. I was given the "you better back off" and "get the hell out" mumblings from this dimwit and you know what, I just couldn't bring myself to knock any sense into him. I mean, in his world, a mind is a terrible thing to use! So I dismissed the both of them, and turned my back.

Damn, he didn't take the bait.

So she came back a bit later and said, "excuse me".
I said, "no, go somewhere else".
She replied, "I said excuse me!" and began to push me out of the way. Oh my gods, did I feel like an idiot. The Lollypop League is trying to move me out of the way!
She said, "you don't know who I am!"
To which I replied, "you don't tip, I don't want to know you".
Her friend watched from the pool table and never came to her defense. Wimp!

I moved out of her way and she got a cocktail, and guess what? She left a healthy tip for the bartender, which made it all worth it!
Of course, Chunkie only saw the second part of this whole thing and accused me of picking on munchkins. Bastard!

We left after finishing our drinks, I will not waste alcohol, and went back to the hotel. I was hot to death by now. I was glad I passed out rather quickly.

Thursday, we shopped!

I Hate Florida! (R)

In December! It really is disconcerting to listen to Christmas carols and look at Christmas trees and decorations whilst wearing a T-shirt and sunblock.







(Note: To see the full photos from the trip, please go to our original location Mortimer's Cafe)

The time beforehand getting to the The Sunshine State, was a study in bad luck and horrible timing. Let's just say, it was the poor tour of our little dividend from Spain. Some of you may have noticed that I haven't written about going out to fabulous dinners and doing the tres chic things I usually am wont to do on a daily basis. The thing is, it's our off season and the club hasn't been doing all that well pre-holiday so, Mortimer is currently beating off the wolves at the door. They are hungry and there's nothing to give them, at the moment.

That being said, I still had a wonderful time in HappyLand. I worked my usual Friday at Babes, and Saturday (14 hours) and Sunday at Studio Six. Funny how every bloody week we would close the club around 3:30/4:00am and the one week I have to go away, we close after 6:00am. I hadn't even packed yet so, I got maybe eight hours sleep in just three days and had to get on a plane to Florida.

Then, we were delayed going down and didn't get to our hotel until very late, like midnight, and to top it off, I had to get up at 7:00am to get ready to meet Coy for the South Beach excursion she planned for us. This is when I realized I left my charger for my mobile in New Jersey. Nice. Not that I had much time on my phone but, that's another story (see the wolves reference above).

We got up, to much grumbling by La Chunk and myself (I realized I had another head cold, as well. When I blew my nose at the car rental place, I got so dizzy with vertigo, I almost fell over. My ears still haven't popped), and got ready. He was worried that Coy was an Amway representative (they are supposed to be some sort of secret cult) and we later found out that Coy's friends thought we were murdering Sopranos from Joisey (aren't all people from New Jersey mobsters?)! Too damn funny.

She came to get us at the hotel and let's just say, it was love at first sight! LOL!

She is delightful and so charming. A real class act and a wonderful lady. We got along famously, something Chunkie remarked on. It was like we've know each other for a long time. I really love that about J-land.

The water taxi was late (of course!) and we finally got under way, sitting up front out in the open to soak up the sun. I had my sunblock 3000 on just in case. I am an older vampire and can take full sunlight without turning to dust but, you can't be sure where that hateful sun is concerned. And I can't afford the wrinkles. The weather was BEAUTIFUL. A bit nipple in the morning but it warmed up rather quickly. The tour guide was, in a word, incompetent. We hated him right away. He was of my persuasion but, he didn't get the fabulous gene we are famous for. Too bad. So we entertained ourselves and watched all the flora and fauna on the way to South Beach. Very nice. Once we got there, we did the usual tourist things, eating at Johnny Rockets and wandering down the strip, across the street, to see the famous and fabulous buildings. Coy's entry (Mort was here, the whole story ...) is a bit more detailed. We had a cocktail at the marina and the barwench regaled us with Hurricane Wilma stories. Seems the wooden structure we were under was brand new, Wilma conjured up a water spout that destroyed the old one as well as piling up the cars six high next door at the retirement centre. The return homecaught all of us catnapping, don't let Coy's picture of Chunkie fool you, we all passed out at one point or another. But, I am so glad she got that shot, lol.

Chunkie and I then had to excuse ourselves to prepare the cement for the new shoes for Coy. We are murdering mobsters from Joisey, you know. We said our good-byes, loaded Coy in the trunk and off we went, dumping her out among the 'gators.

How she got out to write her entry is beyond me.

I must once again say, I am so tickled to have been able to meet her. She is truly a nice and lovely person and I am glad to now count her among my friends.

Wednesday La Chunk and I went to the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Hollywood to judge a Christmas tree decorating contest with our friend Susan, who is the Director of Special Promotions there. She looked fabulous, I guess having that hunky boy-toy of hers around is doing it's magic. Bitch. We had a ball, some of the trees were quite imaginative, and as "payment" she took us out to eat at Tatu (TATU offers a special interpretation of Asian dishes with Cantonese, Mandarin, and Szechwan, Vietnamese and Thai influences. Featuring an extensive sushi bar, private tatami rooms and a two-level interior overlooking Paradise Lake, Tatu is a great place to dine and party with friends.) It was wonderful. She also got us every dessert on the menu, too fabulous! We had a great time. We were supposed to be on local television. Anybody see us? We said our good-byes and then went out on the town in Ft. Lauderdale.

This is where I got into a fight.

More later...

Brunch, Shopping, Work, In That Order.

Brunch at Brittany's Cafe with La Chunk was very nice, except for the horrible contact trauma I was going through during the meal. Anyone who wears contacts knows what I am talking about. Nothing I did seemed to help. I was even in the little bathroom using tap water. I wanted to rip it out and throw it on the floor. So, I bucked up and just delt with it.
I came back home and immeadieatly took it out and soaked it.
And went back to sleep. I think I am in hibernation mode. It was a good sleep, though. Very restful. I think I finally caught up on my sleep debt from the last few days.

Miss Patti just rang me up to go shopping for her sister's party. How nice. I love shopping and parties!
I am wearing my workout clothes for this little excursion. We are somehow ending up at the gym before I have to come back to get ready for work tonight at Babes. I will not lose another day.
I am going to FLORIDA forchrissakes! The land of half naked boys. I need to look halfway decent!

Withholding Tax Minus The Number Seventy To The Tenth Power Gets You NOTHING!

It seems my luck has run it's course.

I went to get my taxes done. I spent ninety dollars to an accountant to find out that I owe forty-three more to the government. Nice.

My 401K has yet to arrive. I did get more than my usual pittance in my paycheck this week so I guess that's something. We did have a mandatory staff meeting today but, it was canceled at the last minute. Literally. So, I guess that's something, too. They were only going to lambast us about the recent "secret shopper" report. Like I care.

Miss Patti pinched a nerve in her arm so, she was taking Flexeril and that put her out of commission and Little Jose hurt his shoulder working out without me so he can't go to the gym, either.
So here I sat.
Doing nothing.
Wanting to work out.
Can't.

Miss Patti and I did have a nice day, though, having lunch at the Galloway Diner and driving around the dirty back roads of the Pine Barrens of New Jersey. I just love diners. And New Jersey is famous for them. We have more diners than mobsters, believe it or not.

It's time for bed. I have been on the go since morning on four hours sleep. Chunkie and I have a brunch date on the morrow, if it's not too bad out, weather wise.

I hope my sugar daddy comes in again on Friday. Mortimer needs some spending money for Florida!

I CANNOT believe I just wrote that.

No Sleep.

I had a fitful sleep. My room was cold last night and no matter how many blankets I put on, I just couldn't seem to get warm enough to slumber straight through. And I just put the storm windows down yesterday so I could avoid that very problem. This is a drawback to living on the beach. The penthouse is rather old and drafty and with the raw winds coming off the ocean during the winter, our building is pretty much like a sieve. Now, when the winds change direction, and come in from the east, my room is a hotbox. I didn't even get to sleep until after four in the morning and it's now nine-thirty and I am up and at 'em! I guess it's time to get my winter clothing out of the attic. The snow and ice seem to be telling me that it's here to stay.
Strange.

Yes, I know. The movie affected me. I had many dreams last night and they kept waking me up. Disjointed dreams. Nothing I can remember, just shards of visions that make no sense. But, then again, dreams never do.

Maybe it's just the endorphins from the gym. I did have to go right to bed not long after being at the gym so that may have played havoc on my sleep cycle. And I did have a great workout. Much better than Tuesday's. I still say that there is a stronger gravity well in Northfield than in Ventnor Heights. It's not the same weight, they are heavier out in Northfield. I swear!

Well, I had to go to bed right away and I got up to get some errands done that I have been putting off all week. ALL WEEK! I can't believe how lazy I have become. Well, not lazy, just anti-going-out-and-facing-the-world. I have put it off too long and now we have yet ANOTHER storm coming along to dump another two to four inches of that white powder all over my island.

Where's the Whitney Houston Snow Removal Machine when you need it?

Rent (R)

I saw Rent tonight with Miss Patti.

It was extremely emotional for me. Very heart wrenching. I cried heaving sobs during many of the scenes. I want to say that I had forgotten what it was like, to lose so many friends. To say that I had forgotten what it was like to see how AIDS totally devastates the human body. Beautiful and wonderful people. And how the movie brought it all back to me.

But, I can't. Because I still see it. I see it every day in the faces of friends that I know are a drug cocktail away from dying. Horribly. I see it when I perform at benefits, and see people I know that may not make it to next year's show.

And I still remember, as plain as today, seeing my friends who did die. My God. There is no hope when you watch something like this tear everyone you know away from you. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. It's a wonder I can still function. Sometimes I can't. Sometimes, I feel as if there is no point.

The movie is about hope, though. And how we can overcome.

That there's no day like today.

And maybe that's what gets me through. I don't know. I really don't know.

Somebody has to remember. Somebody has to be here to say THESE PEOPLE EXISTED AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WONDER THEY WERE CAPABLE OF!

It was a wonderful movie. Please go and see it. The music, and the message is about hope. Hope.



Just when you think there is no hope left.

I Need A Hobby.

Hmm...our computer is running slow again. My flatmate just got back from Las Vegas. He had been there to witness a commitment ceremony of a friend of ours. It sounded very nice. Our friend and his betrothed went to Vermont to make it legal (whatever that means in this day and age) and then had the big to-do in Vegas where our friend lives. It was just another excuse for Super Chunk to go to The Meadows (what Las Vegas means in English). I think he's getting the bug to move out there again. It would suck. I love him so, he's become one of my closest friends and I don't know how I would deal with him leaving this coast.

Speaking of bugs, he is the reason our computer is running slowly. It has been fine the entire time he was away and now after he's been back and playing on the computer, we have adware. I ran a McAfee scan to no avail. Now I am doing an AOL Spyware scan. Hopefully, I will be able to smoke out the offending pop-ups and get them out of my computer. Again!

I went to the gym with Miss Patti last evening. We were discussing our financial states. We are both poor. It's not destitute poor, just no-cash-on-hand poor. Hopefully I will be able to rectify the situation through my errands today. I am going to Florida on Monday and will need money for my usual shopping sprees. I have to see about that 401K I had forgotten about and my taxes from last year that I never did. Hopefully, I can get the money upfront, for a small fee of course. I don't even know why I didn't do my taxes. I think it's because most of my important mail goes to my Father's home, I didn't even think about it. Out of sight, out of mind. Plus, I get paid to-day. That will be another twenty bucks to line my wallet.

I think I have SAD. Or something. I have been so listless recently. All I want to do is sleep. Then I get in a manic mode and want to do everything but, get absolutely nothing accomplished.

I do have to mail one of those little cards that you get in your purchases. I always put one of Chunkie's many drag names down and list his birthday somewhere near God's. Then I check his interests as Bible study, grandchildren, gardening, quilting circles, AARP, RVing and guns and ammo. You should see the crap that comes to our house.

I love shenanigans!

I Love Her But, She Scares Me!

The following is an IM I got from my pookie, who's studying to be a doctor:

"Rita": just wanted to tell you how much i love you and miss you before i run back to anatomy class and dissect out the heart

OK, pookie, you just run along, now. I'll be right here, puking my guts up, LOL!

Inertia

It's been a slow day here in the Cafe. I've gotten nothing accomplished. Except the dishes and catching up on my sleep and the journals. I was going to go out and take pictures of the snow. I was going to switch out my seasonal clothes. I was going to get a life.

Nothing.

I have a confession. I haven't yet been to any non-J-land journals. Maybe one. Maybe. I just miss all of the alerts from the AOL journals and by now, I know they have written a novel or two in the short time I haven't been by and I am fearing having to spend all of my time reading up on my friends lives. Maybe I'll pick one a day. Or two, if they weren't so prolific.

There's some good television on tonight. I guess I'll get cracking on dinner and then settle down to Charlie Brown.

Then it's off to the gym.

Just A Note From Your Favourite Couch Dancer

I am going to work out with Little Jose this evening. Miss Patti had to work and with it so cold out right now, I don't really feel like walking over to the gym in Ventnor Heights (two miles away) so I rang him up and we are going to pump it up before work (he lives four blocks away). I wrote about my night at Babes in the AOL Cafe which is the reason I need to stay fit and trim, lol. Crazy. I am hoping tonight is busy, we have a few good concerts in town and it should be good for us. That is, if I don't get fired. I have a sinking feeling. I hate sinking feelings.

From Gym To Gym.

Well, Miss Patti and I did the gym last evening. It was good. I can't wait to go back. We went to Denny's afterwards, I wanted to get a tuna salad type of thing but, they were on a late night menu and all they had was fried things. I opted for a hamburger. I figured there was at least a little protein in that. I didn't do the bun. After having two Thanksgiving dinners, I am shying away from carbs for a while. We were supposed to go to the movies today but, I never got up. Oh well, it was her fault anyway, after Denny's we came back to my house to go over a few things for her upcoming sister's going away party. I didn't get to sleep until way after five in the morning. Time to get my butt in gear. I must do something before I have to do the gym and then work at Babes.

Rant!

I am livid. Really, totally livid. I have just found out, to-day, that we are not putting on our production of the Miss'd America Pageant in January after the real Miss America (which is why it's called Miss'd because we missed it). Now, this is after we have had costume fittings and an open call for back-up dancers and some rehearsals. This sucks. But that's not the only reason I am angry, I am furious at the producers of the show. It seems they had a meeting, a while ago, and discussed whether or not we should have the pageant and they decided to postpone it until September (when we used to put it on because Miss A. was on that month) and they neglected to tell a single performer or costume designer or choreographer or ANYBODY about the cancellation. Then I get the excuses, a whole list of excuses. And let me tell you, that's all they are. Excuses. Because I am guessing that two of the producers are going on vacation the week we should be doing the pageant. And I will find out. This is so unprofessional. I don't think I will be seeing them in September.

I Remember You (R)

I remember Simone.

I remember Joe Wudski.

I remember Billy Kover.

I remember Paul Handus.

I remember David Hutchinson.

I remember Billy Karpiak.

I remember Lamont.

I remember Tonya.

I remember Everette.

I remember John.

I remember Brian.

I remember Miguel.

I remember Paul.

I remember Amilia.

I remember all of my friends who died of Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome (A.I.D.S.), too many friends to mention without losing it.

I remember the pain and suffering you went through.

I remember all those who are now living with A.I.D.S.

I remember to do whatever I can to stop this.

I remember you.