What A Difference. (R)

Yesterday, massive storms moved through the midwest and ended up on our doorstep, along with and at the same time as the twenty other states that line the eastern seaboard. Massive. The snow started falling long before the Accu-forecasts and I was not happy. I trust my weather people. Especially the cute one on the local station I watch, loyally. I was dissappointed, once again. I sat watching the snow fall, looking quite beautiful through our new front windows, although I hate a lot of snow. I lit some candles and just enjoyed the winter scene. I get a phone call from Little Jose, he needs my help again with his English course at school. We set a time for mentoring and I take a nap, this is perfect sleeping weather. I wake up, unrested. I have been tossing and turning again, lately and my dreams are vivid and disturbing. I don't want to sleep anymore, I don't want to see what my mind conjures up when I am no longer in control.

As I get ready, he is out front, early. I quick throw on my workout clothes, I figured I'd get him to drive me to the gym on his way back to evening classes. We read the essays and discuss the questions. I am not happy with his teacher for grading him so badly on his last test. The questions demand a subjective answer, how can one's opinion be wrong. I also think he's a bit out of his element. English is not his native language, no matter how quickly he has learned and grasped our tongue and the essays are a bit wordy even for me. And I have been known to enjoy a dry, dusty tome or two in my day. We finish up and make our way out of his building, only to slip and slid, grabbing each other to keep balance. The sidewalk, the street, the car is covered in a layer of ice. The snow had long ago stopped, turned to rain but now, with the coming dark, all that water is freezing.

He got me to the gym without accident and sped off. I rang him and told him that he wasn't funny. As I worked out, he rings me back from the school, class was canceled and he passed several bad accidents along the way. He offers to come collect me and I accept. I finished up my workout and went to the grocery store to pick up a few things.

Back home, I listen as the storm intensifies and becomes a nor'easter, blowing the rain up against those same new windows with a certain violence known only to those who live along the ocean.

Chunkie and I sit and watch telly and then we wander off to our bedrooms, to get warm and snug under the covers of our respective beds.

My dreams, once again, keep me from any true rest.

I wake to change. The weather turns on a dime, the rains stop mid-morning and Chunkie and I decide on brunch at our favourite haunt, Brittany's Cafe. It was actually rather nice on our way there. By the time we were done, the walk home was a different story. The temperatures fell ten degrees and we made our way quickly back to our flat. We did our usual chores and Chunkie decided on a nap. I, feeling restless, made an entry on the computer and made the decision to walk down to the club and pick up my check. By now, the sun was shining and it looked simply spectacular outside.

The winds were blowing but, the temperature was manageable and I took my route down the boardwalk, as I am usually wont to do. I marvel at the low-level clouds as they are blowing out to sea like an armada of ships, sailing with haste to free the fair Helen from the clutches of Paris in ancient Troy. The sea, the mighty Atlantic, is churning with a violence all it's own. The waves, huge and cresting farther out than normal, the spray of salt and water filling the air, the foam gathering along the shore line. This, my friends, is why I live here, to witness the power of Mother Nature in her tempest glory, as land, air and sea meet and do battle.

I breathe the cleansed air and let the chill winds play across my face as I watch from the safe confines of the boardwalk. I notice, several times, that I am the only one out there, for at least a mile. I think to myself that yes, I am all alone on Valentine's Day. Alone, on the boardwalk, under the blue skies, in bustling Atlantic City. Alone.

After picking up my check and saying hullo to everyone there, I start my walk home and what a difference, once more the weather turned on a dime and now, the sky is stone grey, where just minutes ago it was blue and bright, the rain is slight but stinging, as the breeze that was so temperate before is now battering me with it's small pinprick droplets. I still face the weather and walk all the way home, through the city, this time, letting the buildings and over-head walkways shield me as much as they could.

Time to get ready, the gym is calling me. And the skies are once more blue.

What a difference, indeed.

King Tut! (R)

Miss Patti and I were up at the crack of dawn and made our way to Philadelphia. The train was lovely, PATCO was clean and efficient as usual. We got off at 16th and Locust and WHAM! ICE AGE!

Wow, it was muthabloodyhumper cold in the city of brotherly love.

We wandered like the march of the penguins to our friend Charles' new salon and warmed up there and caught up on each other's lives. I rang my Mother (who was unavailable, as usual) and my sister. Patti and I braved the arctic and walked over to see her at her preschool, which is located in a church. We met the other teachers and the kids, they were all so cute. It was nap time but, they were all staring at me, like the kids in the Village of the Damned.

We said our good-byes and then made the trek through the artic tundra that was center city down to the Franklin Institute. Actually, it wasn't so bad in the direct sun but, being in a city with tall buildings, direct sun was hard to come by. We took pictures outside and then made our way in.

We had time before our tour started so we did the rest of the Institute, trying unsuccessfully to dodge the kids running helter skelter under our feet. All the sudden, it was time and we were queued up.

The exhibit was breathtaking. It starts with the Dynasties before Tut and the last five rooms are artifacts from his tomb. The coffin for his mother was amazing. The detail, the inlays, the carvings and the gold. "Everywhere the glint of gold", as Howard Carter was quoted as saying. And it was too true. The small figurines were what I found most beautiful. They were in every medium from wood to copper to alabaster and stone. Beautiful colours and etchings, to think they survived 3500 years in such pristine condition is astounding.

We finished up and then La Chunk came to fetch us, since he had to drop his brother off at the airport in the afternoon. We visited Sandy Beach at the 12th Air Command and then made the voyage home.

King Tutankhamun, to say your name is to give you life.

Small payment for allowing us to view such gifts as yours. May you find peace in the afterlife.

Friday: Boat Trips And Homeward Bound (R)

We got up early to pack and vacate the hotel and then we drove over to see Billy so we could have brunch in Lauderdale-by-the-Sea at this fabulous little bistro that Billy knew of. It's always great when you go into a place and the hostess gives you a big hug! We sat watching the waves and eating. I had two Bloody Marys with brunch which was a spinach omelet with homefries. Very tasty, especially with the TABASCO green pepper sauce. Yummy! We walked along the beach after brunch and then I went shopping for trinkets to give to those loved ones back home. Billy had the great idea to turn in "La Abuela", the rental car that La Chunk picked out, this way we could have extra time to do things instead of sitting in the airport hours before our flight. We decided to go on a riverboat cruise which took us through the rivers, canals and intercoastal waterway that lines Florida. The pictures above better illustrate that adventure. The cruise host pointed out the various homes and who lives there. Very rich and wealthy. The private yachts were bigger than the cruise boat we were on. These people have some serious "size" issues. Can you say "overcompensation"? Sure you can. I knew you could. After cocktails on the boat, we made our way back to land and walked along the soon-to-be-torn-down waterfront area in old Ft. Lauderdale. Now we were hungry and Billy then took us to this tres gay restaurant called Rosie's Bar & Grill (formerly Hamburger Mary's). It was a hoot and a hollar! This is where I made Chunkie's whole trip. As we were sitting there, eyeing the very hot wait staff and enjoying our food, I was taking a sip of my mojhito when a funny thought occurred to me. Now, this was a very funny thought and I was sipping a liquid. Can you figure out what happened next? Yes, Mortimer, the personification of class and understatement, did a spit take all over Chunkie and Billy! I knew it was gonna happen, which made it worse because I clamped my mouth shut only to make it come out like a jet stream! I couldn't believe it, I soaked both of them! Chunkie roared with laughter, thank the gods, and I wiped them both off. We met a former bartender from Atlantic City, who was dubbed Michael Sissy Fag Fag when he worked here. Don't ask. It's funny to bump into so many transplants from my little island.

The sun was setting and we went to this gay sports bar for one (or two or three) last cocktail in South Florida. The sweet bartender bought me my third drink, how nice, and I got a token to keep as a remembrance. A drink token, not a hickey, get your minds out of the gutter! Billy drove us back to the airport and, after sailing through security, we got on the plane (Note: Due to continued threat of bodily harm, I am not allowed to discuss the seating style of Southwest Airlines nor am I allowed to complain that we got there so goddamn early to be in the "A" section for no reason whatsoever!) and we flew back to the real ice age of twenty degree (6C) weather and snow in New Jersey!

I am going back in May. I am using the time before this next trip to decide what to do with my life. I realized during my trip that I could really do something with my life down there, the opportunities are many and varied. There is so much for me to do and I know that there's really nothing left for me around here. I have no real ties to this area anymore, except for some wonderful and close friendships but, airfare is cheap and it's only two hours between New Jersey and Florida. So, I will be making my plans, soon.

What a wonderful vacation.

Thursday: The Coming Ice Age Is Upon Us. (R)

Or so you'd think. The temps dropped to the sixties (around 20C) and the people down there were literally walking around in parkas. And umbrellas, due to the torrential rain (which they needed). It was nuts!

We got up (me with a mighty hangover) and made our way down to Hollywood to do some shopping for what we refer to as "Chunk's Cheeps!". That goes back to La Slut's days at Walmart when he would ring us up when things went on major markdown. Whilst we were there, we decided to go to the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino to see our friend, the fabulous Susan Rennissen! Well, she wasn't answering her mobile nor her business phone, the bitch, so we decided to walk around, gamble a little and then get something to eat at the Hard Rock Cafe. Our waitron was fabulous, this cute girl who did open mike night late into the evening before so, I was loving her. Funny, cute and a party girl, just my type (well, if I could get over the whole homosexual thing)! As we were eating, La Whore sees this rockin' blonde chick in tight leather pants (D&G) walk in and make her way to a table at the far end where a birthday party was happening. By the looks of the people at the table, it was the tribe members that own the casino. We realized it was our Susan (fabulous!) but, I didn't want to barge over there, I mean, I don't like crashing parties without bringing something. I gave my business card to our waitron and had her give it to Susan, discreetly. Well, she came running over to our table and sat right down! I love her to pieces! We played catch-up and then, out of the blue, she referred to a message we had left and she got up and left us for a minute. When she returned, she gave us cards and told us the she arranged a day at the spa for us at the casino! HOW FABULOUS IS THAT? I took advantage of the gym and La Prostitute did the facial treatment. The gym overlooked the pool area so, while working out, I waslooking at palm trees and waterfalls. How fun! After a great workout (Susan came in and we chatted some more and I thanked her profusely), I met up with La Hooker and we went shopping some more. I found over a hundred dollars of items at the Gap for less than ten dollars. Does La Street-Walker know how to find a bargin or what!?!

We then went back to Ft. Lauderdale and our room to get ready for a bar-b-que dinner at Paul's home. The weather kind-of cooperated and we took a quick dip in the pool right outside our room. It was heated, which was a good thing. It was kind of chilly, I must admit, especially after getting out of the water and running back to our room to shower and get dressed.

What a dinner it was! Our friend, Billy, has a not-so-secret admirer at the meat market where he goes and he got the major hook-up on these delicious steaks. I mean, it was over a hundred dollars worth of steak for peanuts! Yum! Everything was so good, the green beans, the baked potatoes, the garlic bread but the best was the leanest, fattest, like-butter-in-your-mouth steaks. Kevin Covello, a good friend from the Atlantic City area who now lives in Florida, was also in attendance and we all bored poor Paul to death with tales-gone-by of A. C.'s heydays. Oh...I got to see manatees! Well, not in person but, they had a video of a manatee cow and calf that swam up to their dock (Paul lives off of one of the many canals) for some fresh water out of the hose. They really do look like mermaids.

We went out for a cocktail (or two or three or four, of course) back to Scandals Saloon where I got a T-shirt, and then off to their soon-to-be-new-location, Elements. After the day we had, La Trollop and I finally went back to our room and slept deeply. Friday was going to be a busy day so, we needed our rest.

Next up: Decisions, boat rides, shopping and homeward bound!

Wednesday: Swap Meet And Karaoke (R)

We got up early and I decided I needed sunglasses (I told you I forgot stuff). I mean, I am near the equator, I have to protect my eyes from that big fireball in the sky. Although the local news warned of clouds and chilly temperatures coming in over the afternoon, I still needed some protection. After breakfast at this cute little 50's style aluminum diner (where I got eggs Benedict, so good!), we met up with Billy and he took us to the Swap Meet, a huge flea market where you can get anything. And I mean ANYTHING. Yes, it's there. Believe me. We park and start to wander but, we stayed close together because the place is gigantic and you can get lost, fast. It's like being in an ancient bazaar in some far off land, the accents and smells were incredible. I was afraid Chunkie was going to sell me off into white slavery so I had to keep moving. I ended up finding a bitchin' pair of "Chopper" brand sunglasses with metal flames on the sides. Cool as hell! The attendant at the stall was too cute, too. We wandered around, I think Chunkie was missing the retail shops that his people are used to, if it's not merchandised tastefully and in a beautiful surrounding with help at your beck and call, he's out of his element. I took some more shots of some of the things that caught my eye and we left.

Billy took us to a particular Popeyes for lunch that makes exceptional food. He was right. For a chain restaurant, it was very tasty. After lunch, we went to our friend Larry's home. Now, Larry lives with Scott and they are partners but, Carl, who used to go out with Scott, still lives there as well. It's the new family dynamic to live with both your current and former partner. Works for them in practice, works for me in acceptance, no matter how odd I might find the situation. We had just met Scott and Carl the evening before at dinner and they were the most wonderful hosts. We were going there to swim but, the weather was not cooperating. For Chunkie and I, it was still warm if overcast but, forthe Floridians, it was like the latest ice age was upon us. Those people are mad, I tell ya. We sat and drank, I had my feet dangling in the pool, and they were telling us about their vacation they were leaving for in a few short hours. They were going to upstate New York for a "wine tasting on ice" event. They were freaking out because the temps up there were far below freezing and the wind chills were in negative numbers. We sat and chatted some more, getting a tour of their lovely home and tales of Hurricane Wilma. Before leaving, they told us that if we ever need to use the pool, just drop by, the gate is always unlocked! We finally left, Billy had to get ready for work and Chunkie and I needed dinner.

He blindsided me with a dinner companion. We went to Outback and I was the third wheel on a "date" of sorts. Someone La Whore...I mean...La Chunk met online. He was a very nice guy, once he picked up the check for dinner. 'Nuff said.

We went back to the hotel and got changed to go see Billy at Scandals and enjoy the country karaoke. You haven't lived until you are in a gay country music bar listening to drunken Miss Vicki sing bad Kander & Ebb tunes, badly. Seriously. I began demanding shots, which Billy was all to eager to provide (I taught him the "Makintosh Apple" shot). Several dozen later, on top of the copious amounts of Stoli and tonics, I was piss drunk and loving it.

We staggered back to our hotel, through the drizzle and I took one last shot of my blood-shot vodka-soaked eyes before passing out.

About the "communion wafer" blanket, the room had one bed and a sofa sleeper and I slept on the sofa bed. They didn't provide any bedding material so, La Slut...I mean...La Chunk went out and asked for the items. He returned with this felt blanket that, honestly, had the same consistency as a communion wafer.

I told you it was a blessed trip!

Coming up: Manatees really exist, home cooked steak dinner and life-changing thoughts.

Tuesday: Dinner For Seven (R)

La Chunk and I got up frightfully early and began the process of packing, which included a round of furious laundry on my part. He is very persnickity about getting to the airport ahead of time and his brother came to get us promptly at 10:30am and I was not ready. Of course, I got the "I told you when he was coming" speech but, I thought I had a little wiggle room. I didn't. So, I left without shorts or swim trunks and a few other necessities because I was so flustered. No biggie, I am not a shorts person, anyway and I figured I could get a cheap Walmart bathing suit down there if the opportunity came to swim (it did).

We got to Philadelphia International Airport, (which, now that I have been traveling around the country, seems to be a third world airport) and did curb-side baggage check. So nice! Then we went upstairs and sailed through security. I have it down to a science now, all of my metal objects and mini-electronics go in my little Eddie Bauer shoulder bag which I just toss through the scanners. I did have a minor problem with my shoes. It seems there was a residue of something suspicious on them, probably from the club since I have worn those shoes there. They did a quick swab and I was cleared. We then walked all the way to the last gate, why I am ALWAYS at the last bloody gate is beyond me.

And then, we waited. Note: Due to continued threat of bodily harm, I am not allowed to discuss the seating style of Southwest Airlines nor am I allowed to complain that we got there so goddamn early to be in the "A" section for no reason whatsoever!

We got on our flight, picked out seats, got comfy and we were off! We ended up getting to Ft. Lauderdale in great time, landing a fullhalf hour before we were scheduled. La Chunk informed me that they pad the schedules because of excessive air-traffic but, we must have gotten there at the right moment because we landed and were on our way to baggage. That was another blessing. By the time we made our way through the gorgeous Ft. Lauderdale/Hollywood Airport to the baggage claim, the bags were already coming out. We grabbed them and wandered over to the car rental area. Alamo was the first rental company at the top of the escalator and the next thing I know, we were tooling down I-95 at rush hour but, in another fabulous bit of luck, our exit was right before the traffic began to back up.

Then another blessing came our way. We booked the room through a mutual friend of ours from south Florida and she gave us the "friends and family" rate, which was $59 a night, quite nice for our suite. But, by the time the arrangements were done and we got the room, it was for the employee rate of $39 a night! Can you say "hook up!"? Sure you can! And the room was right next to the pool. I mean, when we opened the curtains, there was the pool. And they said there was no view!

We got our act together and made our way to see our dear friend Billy who, incidentally, used to live in the Penthouse and sleep in the room I now occupy. We marveled at the changes to his bungalow grounds, and the clean-up and regrowth of the whole area since Hurricane Wilma. We played catch-up, had a cocktail (or two) and then we did a little shopping. There were plans for all of us and Billy's beau, Paul, and a few of their other friends to go to dinner so, La Chunk and I made our way back to the room and got ready.

We ended up at this cute little Italian restaurant named Vincent's. They use existing buildings for new purposes down there and we had a fun time trying to determine what the building used to be since the bathrooms were around back. Chunkie thought it was an old drive-in restaurant but I think it was formerly a gas station. There were seven of us altogether and I was just amazed at the food. Absolutely delicious. I had the sweet Italian sausage over penne pasta in a marinara sauce and it was delightful. The sausage was spicy and sweet and melted in the mouth. The wines were top-notch and the Caesar salad dressing was tart and tasty. The pate was also incredible, over toasted sourbread slices. Yummy! Billy picked up the bill, I saw him excuse himself for the bathroom and grab the waiter and give him his credit card, the cheeky bastard! But, to our surprise, the entire meal, including the wine and appetizers, was only $150. For SEVEN people! Amazing! As a side note, I marveled at the patrons in the restaurant. I have not been in a room entirely full of gay men in a very, very long time. It was disconcerting, only because I am just not used to it anymore. I travel in very mixed company. Two of my closest friends are straight and most everyone I know now is not gay so, it was odd to hear the "gay accent" coming from everyone there.

We popped over to Scandals, the gay country bar that Billy works at, for an after dinner drink (or two or three) and then La Chunk and I had to call it a night. We didn't want to tempt the fates any further, they were more than generous to us all day and you know that the piper must be paid at some point. We got back to the room and slept deep and happy, there was more to do/see in the coming days and we needed to rest up!

Coming up: Swap meet, facials and Chunk's cheaps!

Update, Sort Of..

Mi nino malo (Little Jose, my bad little boy) is back home, and I am overjoyed. He's been in Colombia for almost a month and I miss him so. He went right back to school today so, it won't be until tonight before I can see him and give him a big ol' bear hug hullo! Then, I can't wait until next Tuesday because I'll be on a plane to the the sunshine state! Yes, La Chunk and I are going on vacation. A much needed vacation. Let me tell you, with all the madness going on at work, I need to get away. Far away! I have detailed it in the exclusive Cafe: Tailspin.

Other than that, the weather here on the island is as miserable as my mood! That always cheers me up, somehow.

I haven't written in here because I can't stand the formatting anymore. You hit "enter" to start a new paragraph and you go right to "publish post". It's maddening. I will try to write here more often to let my public readers know what the hell is going on in my pathetic life!

Survey Time! (R)

1. When you were a child what was your favorite television show? "The Waltons" my Mother even let us stay up to see the scenes for the next week's episode. Thanks Mom!
2. How many brothers and or sisters do you have? A sister, Danielle.
3. Did you get along well or fight a lot with them? We fought as kids, she was such a little bitch but now I love her, she's such a bitch!
4. Did your family sit at the table to eat meals? Yes, we did. And my bloody sister ruined a lot of Mister Softee (go to this site, it even has the music! OMG! I love it!) trips by not eating her peas!
5. Did you say grace (pray before you ate)? No. Thank God!
6. Do you still say grace? Uh...only if that's her name.
7. What is one thing you do to insure that you have a Happy New Year? Alcohol. And plenty of it.
8. How do you bring in the new year? See question number nine.
9. Are you working New Years Eve? I did. It sucked.
10. Do you shoot off fireworks? In bed. Wanna see?
11. What do you want to achieve this year? To bring the club back to it's glory years.
12. What motto will you live by in 2007? The one I have tried to live my entire life by, the Golden Rule.
13. Who will be the first person you kiss in 2007? It was Johanna.
14. Who do you wish that could be? Oh, my crush. Who shall remain nameless.
15. What is your favorite boy name? Trevor. (that answer was for my Mom, she knows why)
16. What is your favorite girl name? Isabelle, which was my Grandmother's name but, sadly, she hated it.
17. What is the weirdest name you have given to an animal? I had a goldfish named "Fido". He lived for a long time, too. He even fetched.
18. If you had to choose...what is your favorite bug? That would be the Praying Mantis. I mean, the female eats her mate, how cool is that!
19. Do mice ever get in your stove? Ask La Chunk!
20. Do you ever look in the mirror and say EW!!!? Practically on a daily basis. I think that's why I started to do drag. It was a way to make myself look like someone else and I could look in the mirror and say, "Fabulous!".
21. Do you ever play the lottery? Not anymore. I did when I worked at an arcade and we had a lottery machine.
22. What is the biggest amount you have won? Five bucks, as I recall.
23. Using your initials...describe yourself. "M"agnificent!
24. When you were little how many children did you want to have when you grew up? Two. I figured one of each, like vanilla and chocolate. You need each flavour. Yes, I would eat them.
25. Did you ever think about who you would marry? No. Not really. Because I can only "domestic partner" so, I never dreamt of getting married.
26. Did you have a crush on any famous person as a kid?Um...yes!
27. Who was it? Jaclyn Smith (from "Charlie's Angels "). Actually, I think I wanted to be her. LOL!
28.What song reminds you of your first love? "Finally" by CeCe Peniston which was Joe, my first true love.
29. Did you ever "get married" to one of your childhood friends? Actually, yes. With Sharon Hainsworth. I wonder whatever happened to my "wife"?
30. Who was the preacher? I've forgotten her name. I made out with Sharon, not the "preacher" so, I don't remember.
31. Did you plan out your wedding as a youngster? No. I planned out my "Domestic Partnership Ceremony" since that's all I am entitled to in this great non-discriminating, all-men-are-created-equal country of mine.
32. Was your real wedding like the one you dreamed about? Nope. Can't get "married" in the United States of America because of bigots and narrow-minded, right-wing, Bible-thumping (usually divorced and in the closet) nut jobs.
33. How many bridesmaids did you have? Who wrote this, a middle-school aged girl? I will have seventeen "domestic partner" maids. They will all wear the ugliest outfits I can find. So there!
34. What kind of flowers did you have? I will have wild daisies at my "Domestic Partnership Ceremony" since they are my favourite flower. I used to pick them in the field out back of my home in Bellmawr.
35. Are you shy or outgoing? Dahling, if you have to ask this one, you really don't know me! Acutally, I am very shy like most performers usually are.
36. What color are your nails right now? Sadly, I haven't worn black nail polish in a while. Hmm...now I have something to do today!
37. Do you sing in the shower? Yes. Loudly. For some reason, I always end up singing "Chances Are" by Johnny Mathis. Go figure.
38. What movie best describes your life? "Dangerous Liaisons". Just watch Glen Close in action, that's me. Totally!
39. Who is your best friend? That is Miss Patti. She gets it by default. She's been there the longest and still hasn't killed me off.
40. What year did you graduate? As if! Try again, neophyte.

God Bless America (R)

I sat watching the news yesterday and marveled at our country. The shifting of power, from one party to the next went so smoothly, so effortlessly. Our founders were truly touched by the hand of God.

I marveled at the swearing in of the first female Speaker of the House, third in line to the Presidency. What a glorious day in our country, what a glorious day for all the little girls and young women, to see the marble ceiling broken, and to know the sky's the limit! I hope to see a female President in my lifetime. I think I just might get that chance.

I marveled at the swearing in of two Bhuddists and a Muslim as members of congress. We are truly a nation that lives by the Constitutional freedom to practice whatever religion we choose. And that our private beliefs do not hinder us from our goals and ambitions.

I marveled at our democratic process and felt so proud that in November, I too was part of that process. That I, as an American, cast my vote and my voice was heard.

I am proud to be an American.

I am proud of America.

It's Official, I Am Unique!

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Year In Review!

2006

1. DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR
Everyone at Club Tru/Studio Six!

2. LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD - LONGEST FRIEND(s)?
Why Miss Patti, of course!

3. NEWCOMER AWARD - NEWEST FRIEND?
I'd have to say, Little Jose and became really great friends.

4. HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
Well, I guess becoming the asst. manager of the club.

5. LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
Having to fire Dorian.

6. BEST HOLIDAY?
None. It was hell this year, becoming the asst. manager and having to work the holidays ON SALARY!

7. ANTHEM FOR 2006?
"Lose Control"-Missy Elliot

8. ANY REGRETS?
No, not really. Maybe becoming the asst. manager.

9. BEST NIGHT OUT?
Dahling, I walked into the club in 1980 and it's been one fabulous night out since!

10. WORST NIGHT OUT?
Having to fire Dorian.

11. WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
Mother Fist and her five daughters! Hey, you asked!

12. BEST RELATIONSHIP?
Miss Patti!

13. WORST RELATIONSHIP?
Dorian. We haven't spoken in so long. I miss him so.

14. FIRST GIG OF THE YEAR?
Who wrote this, a musician? First gig was in October, my return to the stage version of Mortimer's Cafe: '80's Rewind!

15. LAST GIG OF THE YEAR?
That would be my show, Mortimer's Cafe: Motown in November.

16. BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Hmm...getting some people fired/making some people quit at the club without their knowledge.

17. WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
That all depends on my meeting tomorrow.

18. MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
I am a professional, not a drunk!

19. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE YEAR?
That all depends on what you mean, and from which point of view. For me, personally, it SUCKED. For me at the club, it was FAIR.

20. MOST LOYAL FRIEND?
Too many to count.

21. BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
Becoming the asst. manager of the club.

Travels and Travails Part III

Chapter III: Thanksgiving, Again?

Having survived Thanksgiving with the bio-family, I now faced the Alternate Thanksgiving with the club-family. I got up early, happy that this year I was able to have a few days off before the madness in order to get things done. My flatmates were quite accommodating, each attending to their respective messes several days before crunch time. I, of course, had nothing to worry about, except the general cleaning of our penthouse. After moving so many times over the decades, I have learned to pare my worldly goods down to the barest minimum and I simply discard items that I don't use/need/look at any longer. My day was spent fielding phone calls, coordinating the food arrivals and getting the flat clean and ready. I actually think I just throw this event to get the place "spring" cleaned, albeit in the middle of autumn. Miss Patti came with Tom turkey and cleaned and dressed the bird and threw him in the oven. She found the pop-up timers in a dollar store and put the fowl in a cooking bag, which made the meat so damn juicy. It cuts down on the cooking time as well. She left to get her new skinny ass ready and the three of us finished up. I actually was already showered this year before the first guests arrived, who were Morgan Wells and Lemon Fresh Joy, as usual. Mostly because Morgan takes care of the nibbly-bits and Joy is there for the cocktails. Wait, let me be honest, Morgan is there for the cocktails as well. We got set up and shortly thereafter, people began to arrive. I did the running up and down the steps, helping with the food trays but, I refused to play bartender this year. Most everyone at the party are bartenders, they could get their own cocktails.

The party was a success. I sat, watching the interactions of all of us. Johanna had the dining room in stitches, describing the birth of her son nine years earlier and we were going on about how I am going to be in the delivery room with her when she gives birth to the one cooking in her oven. I had to note the diversity of this "family". Spanish, Philippine, Polish, African-American, Caucasian, Arab, gay, straight, single, married, pre-op. It was a true melting pot of individuals, all here, together in my home, celebrating the true spirit of the holiday. It's amazing that none of the divisions that separate the rest of the world have ever come between us. I made a toast, thanking everyone for coming and sharing this meal together.

Then I went into my room and cried, silently and quickly. Tears of joy, to be sure. I love these people so much. We have been together for so long. Even the newest members of our little "club family" are not so new, anymore. I wiped my eyes and rejoined the party. We watched the videos, had dessert and then, sadly, the inevitable winding down of the festivities began. Slowly, surely, everyone left. La Chunk and Mommie Dearest had gone to bed and I cleaned up, under the supervision of Morgan and Joy. The bitches. First to arrive, last to leave!

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Tough Questions

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someone's eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone's eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

Looking into their eyes when they are telling me what they feel. I sometimes think that I would rather be lied to therefore, if I look into their eyes, I will know the truth. The truth can hurt. Badly.
I have been hurt. Badly.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry?

Honestly, when Little Jose betrayed me at work awhile ago (which I wrote about in a past entry). It was over something stupid, I admit but, the underlying currents that it represented and affected will always resonate with me. I have forgiven him. I understand why he did it but, it still hurt. He'll never know just how much. And I don't want him to.

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who would you call?

I would call Miss Patti. She has always been my soul mate and I would want her to know just how pissed off I am that I am about to die so...unfabulously! And, I would trust her to convey my wishes of love and farewell to all who know/knew me.

4. You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. (1) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? (2) What do you do with your remaining days? (3) Would you be afraid?

1) I wouldn't tell a soul.
2) I would put things in order, quietly. I would write long, heartfelt letters to my closest friends for them to have after I am gone. I would spit in the face of everyone I have ever wanted to. I would continue to enjoy the blessed life that I have until the last dying day.
3) I would be angry. Very, horribly angry. We are all given the same thing. One chance at life. And now my chance would be over.

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust/love. Which do you choose?

Trust. I have had love. Trust is better. Way better.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you save the dog?

I want to say I would save the dog but, I really don't know. It's not that I would be afraid of losing my job, I have been fired before so that's not the reason. It would depend on my mood that day, what I am wearing, what time of day it is, and...well...it's only a dog. Pets are like Kleenex, there's always one in the box waiting when you need them. That sounds cold but, unless I can get a good story out of it, I probably wouldn't save the dumb dog.

7. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her? Why or Why not?

That depends. If I was just horny and I cheated because I was satisfying a need and I don't want to see that person again, then probably not. If I was cheating and began to develop feelings for the "other" person, then yes, it's best keep things honest and let my significant other know.

8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more then just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you do/say?

This has happened to me a few times and it's always best to be direct and TO THE POINT. If you are nice about it, you are setting them up into thinking they may have a chance with you and that makes your relationship with them into something neither of you want. I have also been on the other end and believe me, it's no picnic fawning over someone for a long time when nothing will EVER happen.

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you do it?

No. Gregory wouldn't want me to give give up a year of my life so he could suffer another hour with the pain and misery of the effects of full blown A. I. D. S.

10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

I said this to Little Jose just the other day. I told him that I don't deserve someone as nice as him to be my friend. That I would NEVER want to be my friend. I think I am horrible. In so many ways. I really don't know why people put up with me. I don't think the trade off is worth it. I am not saying this to get people to tell me how fabulous I am, believe me, I have many, many, many faults and they far outnumber any positives you can say about me.

11. Does love = sex?

The best sex I have ever had was with my love. Love does not equal sex, though. Not by a long shot.

12. Your boss tells your co-worker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your co-worker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company?

I have recently sacrificed myself by accepting a promotion that was in name only, just to help my co-workers. Believe me, I lost so dearly with that decision. So, draw your own conclusions.

13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? What did you have to tell the person?

I do it all the time. No, I am not running around being hateful but, if you ask me for the truth, I will give it to you. Both barrels. So, be warned. I recently had to tell my friend to shut the fuck up, I was tired of hearing the complaints, either change your life or live it and to stop bitching to me about it because I can't take it anymore. It didn't go over too well.

14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back?

I tell my friends I love them all the time. They know when I don't love them and I never have to say it. Believe me, they know. Oh...Believe me!

15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?

My eyesight. Umm...Being blind.

16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you?

I told Chunkie that I love him. He's one of my closest friends.

18. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?

Two people, actually. Smith & Wesson. O. K. How about Office Joe Falcone. He's my cop friend and believe me, a good man to have by your side in just such a situation. Hell, even if there wasn't a "situation"! He's hot!

19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? why wouldn't you?

No. No reason. Just no.

21. You are holding onto your grandmothers hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death?

I guess the baby. My grandmother (neither of them are still alive) would have lived a long life and the baby would just be starting. Then again, imagine the gifts you would get for Christmas for saving the old girl's life.

22. Are you old fashioned?

In a lot of ways. I am very timely, I enjoy technology and current fashions and trends but, I like hand written letters, saying "please" and "thank you" and "have a nice day". I like politeness and courtesy in both speech and action.

23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?

I don't do things in order to get something. I do them because they should be done.

24. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?

It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all. It's true and I am glad that I have loved.

25. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?

What I always say, find the cure for aging. Take the cure for aging.

Martini Kisses!

1. Are you drunk now? Hell yeah!
2. Last time you drank? I am drinking now.
3. When was the first time you drank? In the womb. They didn't know back then. Lucky me!
4. More of a beer or liquor person? Liquor. I don't even know her!
5. What type of drunk are you? You should never get drunk. Drunks are alcoholics. I am a professional!
6. Favorite Mixed Drink? Ketel One Vodka and an olive.
7. Favorite Beer? Guiness!
8. Favorite Shot? Depends on the bartender.
9. Top 5 Favorite beers? Ale, lager, stout, lite, cervesa.
10. More of a Bar or Club person? If they are serving alcohol down there, I am a gutter person! It's the cocktails, darhling, not the place.
11. Alcohol you absolutely despise? There is no such thing! My gods, who are you?! That's heresy!
12. Ever bought a stranger a drink? Always. Best. Sex. Ever.
13. Been thrown out of a bar/club for fighting? No. Damn!
14. Ever make out with someone in front of a cheering crowd? Just last night!
15. Ever buy a round for random people? Yes, when I am being watched by the "secret shoppers" I always give everyone a drink and NEVER get caught.
16. Best band you've seen while drinking? Dahling, there are too many to name.
17. Ever danced on a table? Why, yes.
18. Best town/area to drink in? Whatever town you are in/by the bar.
19. Do you forget a lot of what happens during a night of hard drinking? Of course.
20. Ever been drunk around your parents? My Aunt gave me my first drink at ten. So, yes.
21. What are the most shots you have had in one night? Ask Jennifer when I barbacked for her in the V.I.P.
22. Ever drank absinthe?Alas, no.
23. What gets you into trouble when you're drunk? My indignation. 24. Ever black out while having drunk sex? Umm...no.
25. Can you drink your friends under the table? Hell yeah!
26. Who is your favorite person to be DRUNK with? Little Jose is fun. Johanna is a hoot.

Tarot

You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing,
you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Travels and Travails Part II (R)

Chapter II: Dinner With Regret
The long road lay ahead. We sit and chat along the way down to Maryland, watching the little changing scenery outside the windows of the S. U. V. Talking about this and that. Listening to the lids clatter on the containers in back of Thanksgiving dishes my Mother brought for dinner. Making small talk, because of the small mind that sat in back, next to my sister. Yes, I am referring to Bastard. My step-Father asks if he may be a little forward and, in a whispery tone, begins to inquire about my love life. I was a bit...taken aback. It's not every day my family is wondering about whom I am bedding and it's rather strange to hear Barry asking. Unfortunately for me, I am currently alone, which is not what you really want to be reminded of during the holidays. Of course, Barry was not being mean-spirited, far from it, he was actually trying to be a "Dolly Levi", a matchmaker. But, before he could give me the goods, so to speak, the conversation in back needed to include Barry and I so, we switched gears to talk about this later.
After passing through Pennsylvania and into Maryland, we begin the trek, literally, over the river and through the woods. And farmland, and woods, and more farmland. My Aunt couldn't find a home near a city, not even near a town. I wouldn't even call it a village. It's in the middle of nowhere. You need to pass the barn, three cows and a silo in order to get to her home. Coming from a cosmopolitan/urban environment that I do, even though I live in the "garden state", I find myself humming the song from Deliverance, wondering how I would ever get home if I were left here, in the middle of nowhere. "Squeal like a pig!", is ringing in my head.
We arrived at our destination and I see my Aunt at the door. She greets us and I am a bit shocked at how much she looks like my beloved and departed Nan. I had never really seen my Nan's features in my aunt before, as I do in my Mother, and it's a bit disconcerting but, comforting at the same time. It's as if, in a strange way, my Nan is still here, through her daughters.
We go in, their overstuffed dog underfoot, and make the rounds with the family, all of which I hadn't seen in a year. Everyone is looking different, and the same. A little older, a little sadder. We all know this is the last time we'll be together in this house and it's always kind of sad when there's change in the air. We gather around the island in the kitchen, where the alcohol is. Of course. We nosh on the cheeses and pepperoni, cream cheese stuffed celery, which I have always loved. We drink and toast. We catch up with each other about our lives. We compliment each other on how great we look. It's nice and comforting, being in the bosom of your kin and feeling that closeness with people who, even though you only spend maybe one or two times a year with, you still have that immediate love and acceptance, that familiarity that you only have with your family. We move from the kitchen to the living room, my Aunt has always had a beautifully decorated living room that no one is allowed to be in, that old fashioned "show room" that people had back-in-the-day. I guess, with this being the last dinner in Maryland, we were granted this special privilege.
My Mother sat with me on one of the armchairs and we picked up the conversation that I started in the car with her husband. The man they want to set me up with is cute, around my age, great shape, well traveled and...rich! Thanks for the early Christmas gift, I am thinking to myself as we gush and giggle about this whole situation. I hear the various conversations going on around the room between my cousin, second cousins, sister, and the rest of the family. It's good to be home, in a manner of speaking. I needed to get away, I needed this. I needed to be gossiping with my Mom, and smelling the turkey cooking, and hearing the warmth of voices I haven't heard in so long.
Dinner is ready. The turkey is gigantic. My Uncle Jerry does the honors, and I am in shock. There is no seating arrangement this year. You don't understand, THERE IS ALWAYS A SEATING ARRANGEMENT and you better not change or there's hell to pay with my Aunt. She decided this year that we could sit anywhere we wanted. Well, she did tell me that she's hitting seventy next year. Dear Lord, my Auntie Mame is going to be seventy. Well, I guess she's finally mellowing with age (don't you believe it). I sat on the end, as usual because I am left-handed and next to my cousin Dawn, who I have always been partial to and we ALWAYS sit together. Actually, looking around the table, we all sat where our usual seat assignments have traditionally been. I guess my Aunt knew what she was doing all along.
Dinner was wonderful. The prayer from my Uncle was sweet. I was full of food and the comfort of home. We had dessert, too many desserts and sat at the table for hours after dinner, drinking and talking. I must confess, I had to resist the urge to become MORTIMER the stage performer. They are family, not an audience, I kept reminding myself so, I sat back and enjoyed the stories being told, some of them including the...more embarassing moments of my childhood. No, I won't recount them here, they are just family stories and they will remain just that.
Finally, inevitabily, things were coming to a close. Our lives, our other selves that we are when we aren't together, needed to be gotten back to. We all began to say good-bye and hugged, kissed, promised to ring each other. I said farewell to my Aunt Janet and Uncle Jerry and Maryland and off we went, back throught farms and woods and back over the river. To home.
But first, I had to travel back from Philadelphia.
With my beloved sister.
And Bastard!
Coming soon: Chapter III Thanksgiving, Again?

I Remember You

I remember Simone.
I remember Joe Wudski.
I remember Billy Kover.
I remember Paul Handus.
I remember David Hutchinson.
I remember Billy Karpiak.
I remember Lamont.
I remember Tonya.
I remember Everette.
I remember John.
I remember Brian.
I remember Miguel.
I remember Paul.
I remember Amilia.
I remember Gregory.
I remember Louis Pratico.
I remember all of my friends who died of Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome (A.I.D.S.), too many friends to mention without losing it.
I remember the pain and suffering you went through.
I remember all those who are now living with A.I.D.S.
I remember to do whatever I can to stop this.
I remember you.

Alternative Thanksgiving Is Underway! (R)

As I write, we are celebrating our yearly A.T. More to come...

Travels and Travails! (R)

Chapter I: Thanksgiving Bastard!
I got up rather early again. With my litany of woes, I figured I'd need all the time I could get to make myself presentable enough for human contact. My eye was cooperating, it wasn't as red and irritated as the evening before. My medication was working, I wasn't blowing out my body weight in mucus at the moment nor did I need to. I was dry and breathing. I figured out what to wear and got it cleaned and ironed. I had a little coffee, a little something to eat. I did a quick home workout. I had time to pick up my paycheck and make it to the train to Philadelphia. All was good, even with the relentless rain and wind of our season's first nor'easter tearing up the coast and destroying my umbrella, which, as a long term resident of this fair island, I should have known better than to bring.
I got to the terminal in just enough time to sit and relax, read a chapter of my book and have a Gatorade and Philly soft pretzel. Did you know that the people in this area eat more pretzels in one month than the rest of the country eats in a year? I reflected on that nugget of information as I enjoyed my yellow mustard covered treat. The conductor called for boarding and my journey began. A. C. Express leaving for Philadelphia, track four!
All went well, we passed through each town along our way, Absecon, Egg Harbour City, Hammonton, collecting more and more passengers. Everyone in a holiday mood, talking about their dinners, seeing their families, shopping. It added to my already abundant holiday spirits. As I have stated before, I love Thanksgiving and I couldn't wait to see my small but tight-knit and loving family.
Atco. Atco. The name of that town will reverberate in my mind for a long time to come. That's where my day turned as dark and moody as the weather outside my train car. That's where my hated enemy, my painful reminder, my object of total disgust came on board. Yes, my sister's...ahem...boyfriend. Let me set the scene:
Mortimer is sitting towards the back of the train car, in a two seater. The conductor calls out the name of the next town, Atco, and the train effortlessly glides into the station, coming to a compleat and gentle stop. The train door slides open and in walks Danielle, Mortimer's beloved sister, and Bastard, Danielle's unfortunate companion. While exchanging the usual pleasantries one does with those we haven't seen in a long time, the overpowering smell of cheap alcohol and cheaper cigarette smoke comes from the immediate direction of Bastard. It takes every ounce of acting skill to not wretch and heave, as they sit in the three seater directly ahead of me. Bastard comments that we should find seats that are facing together. I demure, since this is the arrangement I had planned on the entire time, even mentioning that they don't want the seats moved. Then, the conductor approaches Bastard, tsk-tsking him. Bastard is informed that he violated New Jersey State Law by smoking on the train platform, in clear view of the signs that say "No Smoking/Violation Of New Jersey State Law". The thousand dollar fine was not levied, thankfully, since this was a holiday and Bastard claimed ignorance. A claim he can use with total justification, I think to myself. I resist the urge to put back on my headphones and listen to music, or just stick knives in my ears and eyes so I don't have to deal with him. We chat. We joke. We pass the time until finally reaching our destination of 30th Street Station. The beauty of that immense and imposing structure overwhelms him and, blissfully, as I run to the restrooms, he is distracted, awestruck, and I have a moment's respite.
I return, to find them outside, catching a smoke and I wander around the concourse, contemplating a coffee, a blunt instrument, a murderous intent. They find me and we settle on Dunkin' Donuts. When I asked the far-eastern counterclerk if they had arsenic flavouring, he said no. Damn.
My mobile rings and it's my sainted Mother and step-Father, their golden chariot has arrived to whisk me away from this. Oh, wait. They are coming with us. Damn, again. At least my sainted Mother throws herself on the sword and moves from the front seat to the back, with them, so I may escape, momentarily, having to be nice and I immerse myself in conversation with my step-Father, with whom it takes no effort to be nice to.
The long ride to Maryland has begun.
Coming up in Chapter II: Dinner With Regret.

The Word Is Good!

My "Vacation" (R)

I counted my chickens before they were hatched.

I had every intention of not being here, in the penthouse, right now. I shouldn't be. This was to be a mini-vacation for me. I was going to see my Mother and step-Father up in Huntington Valley, Pennsylvania on Tuesday and Wednesday and then we were going to see my Aunt and the rest of my family in Maryland for Thanksgiving and then I planned to take a trip to Philadelphia on Black Friday, just to see the sights in that fair city since I haven't been in quite a while. I haven't been anywhere, actually, in quite a while.

And I still haven't.

The first monkey-wrench thrown into my vacation plans was my own fault. I came up with a spectacular opening number for my Cafe on Friday night which required back-up dancers. Back-up dancers require choreography. Choreography requires rehearsals and that took up my Monday before opening the club and Tuesday evening from eleven at night until three-thirty in the morning. Fine. My show is very important and I was okay with this. I was only losing one night of vacation.

Then my Mother rings me. There's a problem with my sister and her...ahem...boyfriend (due to the sanctity that I impart on this wonderful holiday, I will not besmirch it with the usual profanity that I use when referring to him). This means I can't go up on Wednesday because I have to travel with my lovely sister and her...ahem...boyfriend on Thursday (because of issues I can't and won't list here). Now, I am really not happy because, 1) I can't get a hold of my sister and her...ahem...boyfriend to make arrangements and 2) I woke up with the horrendous head-cold that made the rounds through the club.

I tore through the penthouse with a storm cloud above my head matching the nor'easter that is ravaging up the coast (another kink in my vacation chain). Poor Chunkie had to deal with a very unhappy Mortimer. Chunk, you are my rock. I am sorry, I know I was a royal bitch!

I finally get my beautiful sister and her...ahem...boyfriend on thephone and firm up our Thanksgiving plans, letting my Mother know where to collect us and I decide to get some grub since I was NOT going out in this weather last night (and is still going on this morning). That was another fiasco. Let's just say that we ordered out, got our delivery and it was compleatly wrong and I had to wait over an hour to have them make a replacement for my food (Chunkie's meal was perfect, by the way).

I went to bed, finally. But before I did, as I was brushing my teeth, I noticed I have an eye-infection.

Nice.

Real nice.

So, I am off to Maryland once we all meet in Philadelphia. I can't wait to see my family for Thanksgiving, my most favourite of holidays. Then it's back to Atlantic City, more rehearsals for my show (which effectively killed my Friday traveling around Philadelphia) and the Cafe on Friday night, I hope to see all of you there.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING everyone.

The Best Mixed Tape, Evah!

Yesterday, Through Fog And Rain (R)

I was up early. Anything before noon is early for me. My flatmate had been up, although for him, it was late. It's all about perspective, I guess. He's transitioning jobs and for the past week or so, he's had the chance to sleep in past five in the morning. He was cooking when I stumbled into the kitchen and before I knew it, I had a compleat breakfast in my lap whilst watching Alec Baldwin on The View. Cheese omelette, hash browns, crispy bacon and toast with butter. Coffee and orange juice as well. I think I may decide to live here, I thought, although I have lived here for nearly eight years. We both discussed election results and watched the news and decided on our day. The weather was not cooperating. Rainy, foggy, dreary but warm. Warmth is unusual for November in this part of the country but, I'll take it.
I decided to get ready to go to the office and pick up my salary and dose of gossip while he had interviews to do to for his new job. I did the usual things one does to get ready, taking my time hoping for the weather to break up a little before I head out. I took more time. Waiting and bouncing around the penthouse, walking back and forth from my walk-in-closet-with-a-bed to the kitchen, opening and closing the refrigerator, contemplating eating yet again, mostly to waste time, not out of hunger. Finally, I realize the folly of eating on top of the hearty repast La Chunk made me just an hour before and I threw on a light jacket, grabbed an umbrella and off I went, raindrops be damned.
Once outside, I am shocked by just how warm it is. Living on the third story, it's hard to gauge the temperature on ground level when I stick my head out on the porch. In this town, there is a temperature difference just from street level to the boardwalk. Where it would be very windy and downright chilly on the street, it would be warm and breezy on the boards. It must have something to do with the ocean. The actual temperature was in the mid 60's (around 18 for my birds in the U. K.) and much warmer than I realized. I was making my way to the jitney when I decided that I could walk. The rain had let up and the clouds seemed to be breaking up as well. A good sign. I crossed over through a parking lot and saw, in the next block, a group of young men playing football in an abandoned lot. They were all muddy and wet, heaving and cursing with the bravado of young men. For a second, I envied them. The reckless abandon, the sheer enjoyment of getting wet and dirty and making the most of this surprisingly warm day. Their youth. I watched them as I walked up to the boardwalk, listening to "hut, hut, hike!" and them breaking formation, tossing the ball, someone getting tackled and then rolling all over the soggy ground. I heard them laughing and cursing again. Yes, it's their youth I think I envy most of all.
The fog gripped the city, but not the thick and heavy fog of springtime. This was like the mists that enshroud the fabled land of Avalon, hanging low over the island. You can still discern shapes and patterns, see the buildings and people and cars that dart throughout the city but, in the far distance, you can't make out much more. There was a momentary break, the sun burst through and behold, the boardwalk, wet and slick with the recent downpour, was as crystal clear as a polished mirror, the skyline of the casinos perfectly reflected along that famous walkway. For a second, I wondered if I would fall through, as Alice in Wonderland, to another Atlantic City. Then it hit me, there are too many characters in my actual city. Too many Mad Hatters and anyone I meet through this "looking glass" would be a disappointment. And most boring.
The clouds swallowed up the sun and I continued my trek through my Avalon-by-the-Sea. I marveled at the changes the boardwalk has gone through, changes that happen on a weekly basis. Yes, to the casual observer, it still looks like a boardwalk, much like any you see in any coastal community in this country but, I can see the changes. I can tell where the rainforest wood and old wood planks are. I can tell when a store puts up a new sign. I can tell when they change the flags. I can tell when a store changes hands. Simple, subtle things. It's an intimacy you have with a city, the rhythms and beats that you instinctively pick up on, that make a city a home for you. Sometimes, when you travel, the beat is off. You feel out of touch. Then, it's just a city. A place to visit. Here, Atlantic City is in my blood and I feel the pulse quicken and slow with my very own heartbeat. I feel it with Philadelphia and Chicago as well. They are in my blood.
I wandered to my office, passing through the soon-to-be-torn-down Sands Casino, lamenting the eventual loss of one of the original casinos that built my city. The Brighton, named after the park that it sits next to. Sad.
Once in my office, I find out there are more changes. Our liquor store was being shuttered. Wednesday was the last day.
So many changes. Ahh...youth. To just be concerned with a pick-up game of football. To travel the mists, oblivious to to everything. Only to be faced with the reality of life once the mists clear.
My walk home was through a torrential downpour. The fog was beaten out of the air by the big, warm and heavy raindrops. Avalon was no more, the looking glass was shattered by those drops. All that was left was my Atlantic City, wet and dreary. And warm.
A fitting ending to my journey.

SHUT THE ____ UP! (R)

Denielle of This Is Me IS A FUCKING GODDESS!
GO HERE: In big gay news...
I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE!

Say It Isn't So! (R)

La Chunk and I are mourning the Last One-Legged Stand for Lawn Flamingos. Not to worry, we have begun a campaign to raise funds to care for our last remaining captive pair of lawn flamingos. Currently, they are doing fine, basking in the early morning sun on our porch, keeping a watchful eye, never wavering, always vigilant. We have also begun a contest to name them. Please leave your suggestions in the comment section of this entry. The winner will receive a special gift!

The New Me

From Friday Until Today, Whew! (R, edited)

Friday was the Studio's Halloween party, I was set to host and our theme was "Gothica". Unfortunately, with the rains and winds that came through the area like a runaway railroad, it was very much like a tomb for the entire night. Great for atmosphere, bad for business. It's a shame, Big Jose looked amazing, he had used fake extensions to fashion a seven inch mohawk and he had all this bondage gear on, quite fun. Little Jose didn't dress up but, when he saw that we were all in the spirit, he begged us to whip something up for him. By the time Big Jose was done with him, he looked compleatly different. It's amazing what a little black lipstick, extra extensions and some punk bracelets can do! Actually, they both looked like me circa 1985. What a waste, though, we only had about twenty customers the entire evening and there was no contest.

Saturday was a different story! Luckily I chose not to wear a costume, I had planned on something. I decided to wear the candy corn tie you see in the pictures and it was a good thing I did. My GM threw his back out, really bad, and I told him to lie down, I figured I could handle the place. Famous last words! I did but, it was hellacious. Everything was going fine until, suddenly, all hell broke loose, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, needed me right then and there! I was pulled and stretched in every direction, running up and down and all over the bloody place. I never stopped. Then, out of the blue, I was told that I was hosting the contest. Boom, I am on stage, dealing with these crackheads. We gave away two Bahamas cruises. Nice prize! The costumes sucked, if you ask me and no one should have won. Johanna was my "ta-da" girl but, she was laughing so much at what I was saying, Joey G. was up in the D.J. booth hollering down, "Stop laughing! You are supposed to be helping! You're fired!", which made her laugh even more. I didn't hear any of this, I was too busy rambling on about the idiots on stage with me and dealing with the rest of them in the audience. Once that was done, my GM had returned and my workload decreased considerably. Which means, I got everything done and I could finally relax. I eventually got home late and slept.

Sunday was the beginning of our new "Casino Night" in Club Tru which was a bust! Thankfully. Only because, it's my night to bartend and make a few pennies. I won't be able to manage both sides and bartend at the same time. It's just too much. I am doing everything I can to get this event canceled. But, because it was our first, I ran around again all night working my ass off.

Monday, I get to my office and there's a note questioning who authorized paying me separately for hosting the contest on Saturday. I DID, BITCH! Actually, I informed my GM that I was getting paid to do the extra work. He said fine, I guess it was lost in the translation. We had popular Mexican bands in Tru and a Latino Halloween contest in Studio so, we were busy again and Big Jose called out because his blood pressure was way up again and he had bronchitis. I got a hold of Rita and she filled in for me in Tru and worked with Johanna. They got along FAMOUSLY! I knew they would. Rita had the quote of the night: I love this new Smirnoff Strawberry and I LOVE the border tax!

It stayed very busy all night and by the time I was done and got home (thank you Little Jose for being my driver this weekend, you are the best), I crashed as soon as my head hit the pillow.
I woke up on Tuesday barely able to swallow. My glands were swollen and I felt like total crap. I literally slept for almost two days. I finally feel great now.

Today, I did my usual wander through this fair city of mine, I saw Becky at Art of Flowers, Margarita at the House of Hair, Chase at Brandeis Jewelers, Stephanie at the Brass Rail and so many more of the wonderful people that know. It was a glorious day. A little chill in the air, the beautiful sunset in the clear skies. Nice.

Tonight, I am going to use Little Jose's gym. I need to work out, it's been a while. I plucked my unfortunate eyebrows and now, I look faboo. Finally. I am loving the pitch black vampiric hair.

Mid Autumn And The Hatefulness Is In The Air (R)

It's always easy to tell that October is over. Yes, that perennial holiday celebrating spooks and witches is on the very last day of the month but, that's not the marker of which I am talking about. It's the mean-spirited, attack-dog political ads that are all over the airwaves, both radio and television. They have also infiltrated my Internet and phone lines as well. I am sure that no matter what market you watch (Philadelphia, my market, is the fourth largest in the country), you are being inundated with these horrific ads showing the worst side of our political parties and our political candidates. Now, one can make the observation that you NEVER hear from these mooks for eleven months and that can be a good thing. Because when you finally do hear from them, it's near constant and full of bile, it's better to get it all in a one month increment. But, that's not what I mean. If they really wanted my vote, if they really want to be my friend, if they really want me to know what the hell they stand for, why don't I hear from them time to time during the year? Why now do I have to hear how fabulous they will be for me as my sheriff/councilperson/mayor/legislator/freeholder/congressperson/chiefcookandbottlewasher and how bad the other guy is going to be. Where the hell have they been all this time and why now do I have to hear this crap ALL AT ONCE!? Why is my phone ringing off the hook like a...well...hooker's? Why is my inbox full of political action flyers rivaling my actual mailbox, which is stuffed with more wood pulp then the New Jersey pine barrens. I actually saw a commercial for a car the other day. I forgot we lived in a consumer society, when the commercials were for something tangible, something we don't need.

I'll tell you one thing, I don't need this hatefulness. But, it seems we got an awful lot of it to go around.

YES! YES! YES!

NEW JERSEY SUPREME COURT SAYS YES TO GAY MARRIAGE!

OH, HAPPY DAY!

GOIN' TO THE CHAPEL AND WE'RE GONNA GET MARRIED!

I'm Coming Out! (R)

Today is National Coming Out Day. This day has be set aside for those of us of the homosexual persuasion to announce to all and sundry that we are in fact gay (or lesbian, or bisexual, or transgendered).
My name is Mortimer and I am gay.
My coming out story is rather funny. I was outed by the Philadelphia Inquirer. Yes, the venerable big city newspaper is in the business of outing young homosexuals. Each year in September, we had what had been known as the gay high holidays. Miss America week was always fun and exciting for us down here. I had been out to the world for most of my life but, my family didn't have a clue. Except for my sister, Danielle. She and I went to the clubs all the time together when we were both underage, and when I told her I was gay, she replied, "I know" in the most what-do-you-think-that-I'm-that-bloody-stupid inflection you could possibly muster. My cousin Dawn knew as well. She came out with me to the clubs in Philadelphia when I lived there. It's nice to know they can keep a secret. Well, one year the Miss America organization changed all the rules. This is when they decided to downgrade the pageant and make the contestants more "natural" and "regular" to the viewing public. Big ass mistake but, I digress. I had been doing five shows a week at the clubs in Atlantic City and in various places in the tri-state area. By now, I was very well established in the community throughout the area and very well known as a performer. I had been with my then boyfriend for a number of years, living with his family (in the sin of non-marriage) and things were great. I was working at the The Rendezvous Lounge (which is now Babes, the strip club I work at) and the Inquirer Press was there wanting to interview me about the changes in the pageant. I agreed, I mean, it's the press dahling, we must always agree to meet with the press. Publicity is a wonderful thing, even if it's by association. Since the article wasn't about me, necessarily, I would still get the recognition. They came up to the dressing room, interviewed myself and my guest performers, took some pictures of us in various states of make-up and gowns and were off. Honestly, I didn't give it a thought after that. We were so caught up in the upcoming Miss'd America Pageant that I totally forgot about it.
I was sitting at my home in Margate sewing one of my costumes. I was living with my ex mother-in-sin (since I can't get married, it's not -law), Helene, lovely woman. The phone rang and she came to get me and told me it was my Aunt Janet (she has always been my Auntie Mame) I just knew she would be the first to call.
I get on the phone and she says, "I love you".
I knew just what she was talking about. I replied, "So...you saw the paper."
"Yes," she told me, "and your Mother will be calling you any minute, I just wanted you to know that I love you no matter what."
I had to laugh to myself, I was gay, Aunt Jan, not on death row. We chatted for a few minutes, I told her thank you and she told me how my Uncle found the article at work, brought the paper home and made her read it, without telling her why. She said she was halfway through the Lifestyle section's front page when it hit her. There, on the page in full colour is me, in high drag with accompanying article. The inter-family phone calls started and here we were.
As soon as I hung up, the phone rang and it was my Mother. Yes, there were tears, and "why didn't you tell me" and "what will the neighbor's say" kind of things but, I will hand it to her, she took it better than I expected. I must say, my Grandmother, god rest her, was the most accepting of the whole affair. She told my Mom, "You always wanted him to be happy in his life? Do you think he's happy now? Then get over it. You got what you want." I am paraphrasing but, that was the gist.
Now, when I go to my Mother's home, there are pictures of me and my ex in her livingroom. I told her, I don't want to see them. She replied, "We all have our ex's in this family. You'll just have to deal with it. Join the club!"
Join the club.
Now, I know she was referring the the familial ex-wives club but, I take it as joining the club of humanity. Yes, my life is just as valid and just as accepted. My feelings about my BOYfriend are just as normal about her feelings about her ex-husband, my Father. We are a family and my being gay is accepted and (in the twisted putting-my-ex-and-I-pictures-on-display) celebrated as just as normal and just as valid. We had a Mother's day celebration one year at the club where I had been interviewed for the now infamous article. All of the performers brought their moms and families to the show. It was so wonderful to look out in the audience and see my Mom, my Aunt Janet, and my Nan sitting there, smiling and enjoying themselves.
I love you, Mom. Thanks for not only wanting me to be happy but, making me the happiest person on earth!

It's Showtime!