Friday: Boat Trips And Homeward Bound (R)

We got up early to pack and vacate the hotel and then we drove over to see Billy so we could have brunch in Lauderdale-by-the-Sea at this fabulous little bistro that Billy knew of. It's always great when you go into a place and the hostess gives you a big hug! We sat watching the waves and eating. I had two Bloody Marys with brunch which was a spinach omelet with homefries. Very tasty, especially with the TABASCO green pepper sauce. Yummy! We walked along the beach after brunch and then I went shopping for trinkets to give to those loved ones back home. Billy had the great idea to turn in "La Abuela", the rental car that La Chunk picked out, this way we could have extra time to do things instead of sitting in the airport hours before our flight. We decided to go on a riverboat cruise which took us through the rivers, canals and intercoastal waterway that lines Florida. The pictures above better illustrate that adventure. The cruise host pointed out the various homes and who lives there. Very rich and wealthy. The private yachts were bigger than the cruise boat we were on. These people have some serious "size" issues. Can you say "overcompensation"? Sure you can. I knew you could. After cocktails on the boat, we made our way back to land and walked along the soon-to-be-torn-down waterfront area in old Ft. Lauderdale. Now we were hungry and Billy then took us to this tres gay restaurant called Rosie's Bar & Grill (formerly Hamburger Mary's). It was a hoot and a hollar! This is where I made Chunkie's whole trip. As we were sitting there, eyeing the very hot wait staff and enjoying our food, I was taking a sip of my mojhito when a funny thought occurred to me. Now, this was a very funny thought and I was sipping a liquid. Can you figure out what happened next? Yes, Mortimer, the personification of class and understatement, did a spit take all over Chunkie and Billy! I knew it was gonna happen, which made it worse because I clamped my mouth shut only to make it come out like a jet stream! I couldn't believe it, I soaked both of them! Chunkie roared with laughter, thank the gods, and I wiped them both off. We met a former bartender from Atlantic City, who was dubbed Michael Sissy Fag Fag when he worked here. Don't ask. It's funny to bump into so many transplants from my little island.

The sun was setting and we went to this gay sports bar for one (or two or three) last cocktail in South Florida. The sweet bartender bought me my third drink, how nice, and I got a token to keep as a remembrance. A drink token, not a hickey, get your minds out of the gutter! Billy drove us back to the airport and, after sailing through security, we got on the plane (Note: Due to continued threat of bodily harm, I am not allowed to discuss the seating style of Southwest Airlines nor am I allowed to complain that we got there so goddamn early to be in the "A" section for no reason whatsoever!) and we flew back to the real ice age of twenty degree (6C) weather and snow in New Jersey!

I am going back in May. I am using the time before this next trip to decide what to do with my life. I realized during my trip that I could really do something with my life down there, the opportunities are many and varied. There is so much for me to do and I know that there's really nothing left for me around here. I have no real ties to this area anymore, except for some wonderful and close friendships but, airfare is cheap and it's only two hours between New Jersey and Florida. So, I will be making my plans, soon.

What a wonderful vacation.

Thursday: The Coming Ice Age Is Upon Us. (R)

Or so you'd think. The temps dropped to the sixties (around 20C) and the people down there were literally walking around in parkas. And umbrellas, due to the torrential rain (which they needed). It was nuts!

We got up (me with a mighty hangover) and made our way down to Hollywood to do some shopping for what we refer to as "Chunk's Cheeps!". That goes back to La Slut's days at Walmart when he would ring us up when things went on major markdown. Whilst we were there, we decided to go to the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino to see our friend, the fabulous Susan Rennissen! Well, she wasn't answering her mobile nor her business phone, the bitch, so we decided to walk around, gamble a little and then get something to eat at the Hard Rock Cafe. Our waitron was fabulous, this cute girl who did open mike night late into the evening before so, I was loving her. Funny, cute and a party girl, just my type (well, if I could get over the whole homosexual thing)! As we were eating, La Whore sees this rockin' blonde chick in tight leather pants (D&G) walk in and make her way to a table at the far end where a birthday party was happening. By the looks of the people at the table, it was the tribe members that own the casino. We realized it was our Susan (fabulous!) but, I didn't want to barge over there, I mean, I don't like crashing parties without bringing something. I gave my business card to our waitron and had her give it to Susan, discreetly. Well, she came running over to our table and sat right down! I love her to pieces! We played catch-up and then, out of the blue, she referred to a message we had left and she got up and left us for a minute. When she returned, she gave us cards and told us the she arranged a day at the spa for us at the casino! HOW FABULOUS IS THAT? I took advantage of the gym and La Prostitute did the facial treatment. The gym overlooked the pool area so, while working out, I waslooking at palm trees and waterfalls. How fun! After a great workout (Susan came in and we chatted some more and I thanked her profusely), I met up with La Hooker and we went shopping some more. I found over a hundred dollars of items at the Gap for less than ten dollars. Does La Street-Walker know how to find a bargin or what!?!

We then went back to Ft. Lauderdale and our room to get ready for a bar-b-que dinner at Paul's home. The weather kind-of cooperated and we took a quick dip in the pool right outside our room. It was heated, which was a good thing. It was kind of chilly, I must admit, especially after getting out of the water and running back to our room to shower and get dressed.

What a dinner it was! Our friend, Billy, has a not-so-secret admirer at the meat market where he goes and he got the major hook-up on these delicious steaks. I mean, it was over a hundred dollars worth of steak for peanuts! Yum! Everything was so good, the green beans, the baked potatoes, the garlic bread but the best was the leanest, fattest, like-butter-in-your-mouth steaks. Kevin Covello, a good friend from the Atlantic City area who now lives in Florida, was also in attendance and we all bored poor Paul to death with tales-gone-by of A. C.'s heydays. Oh...I got to see manatees! Well, not in person but, they had a video of a manatee cow and calf that swam up to their dock (Paul lives off of one of the many canals) for some fresh water out of the hose. They really do look like mermaids.

We went out for a cocktail (or two or three or four, of course) back to Scandals Saloon where I got a T-shirt, and then off to their soon-to-be-new-location, Elements. After the day we had, La Trollop and I finally went back to our room and slept deeply. Friday was going to be a busy day so, we needed our rest.

Next up: Decisions, boat rides, shopping and homeward bound!

Wednesday: Swap Meet And Karaoke (R)

We got up early and I decided I needed sunglasses (I told you I forgot stuff). I mean, I am near the equator, I have to protect my eyes from that big fireball in the sky. Although the local news warned of clouds and chilly temperatures coming in over the afternoon, I still needed some protection. After breakfast at this cute little 50's style aluminum diner (where I got eggs Benedict, so good!), we met up with Billy and he took us to the Swap Meet, a huge flea market where you can get anything. And I mean ANYTHING. Yes, it's there. Believe me. We park and start to wander but, we stayed close together because the place is gigantic and you can get lost, fast. It's like being in an ancient bazaar in some far off land, the accents and smells were incredible. I was afraid Chunkie was going to sell me off into white slavery so I had to keep moving. I ended up finding a bitchin' pair of "Chopper" brand sunglasses with metal flames on the sides. Cool as hell! The attendant at the stall was too cute, too. We wandered around, I think Chunkie was missing the retail shops that his people are used to, if it's not merchandised tastefully and in a beautiful surrounding with help at your beck and call, he's out of his element. I took some more shots of some of the things that caught my eye and we left.

Billy took us to a particular Popeyes for lunch that makes exceptional food. He was right. For a chain restaurant, it was very tasty. After lunch, we went to our friend Larry's home. Now, Larry lives with Scott and they are partners but, Carl, who used to go out with Scott, still lives there as well. It's the new family dynamic to live with both your current and former partner. Works for them in practice, works for me in acceptance, no matter how odd I might find the situation. We had just met Scott and Carl the evening before at dinner and they were the most wonderful hosts. We were going there to swim but, the weather was not cooperating. For Chunkie and I, it was still warm if overcast but, forthe Floridians, it was like the latest ice age was upon us. Those people are mad, I tell ya. We sat and drank, I had my feet dangling in the pool, and they were telling us about their vacation they were leaving for in a few short hours. They were going to upstate New York for a "wine tasting on ice" event. They were freaking out because the temps up there were far below freezing and the wind chills were in negative numbers. We sat and chatted some more, getting a tour of their lovely home and tales of Hurricane Wilma. Before leaving, they told us that if we ever need to use the pool, just drop by, the gate is always unlocked! We finally left, Billy had to get ready for work and Chunkie and I needed dinner.

He blindsided me with a dinner companion. We went to Outback and I was the third wheel on a "date" of sorts. Someone La Whore...I mean...La Chunk met online. He was a very nice guy, once he picked up the check for dinner. 'Nuff said.

We went back to the hotel and got changed to go see Billy at Scandals and enjoy the country karaoke. You haven't lived until you are in a gay country music bar listening to drunken Miss Vicki sing bad Kander & Ebb tunes, badly. Seriously. I began demanding shots, which Billy was all to eager to provide (I taught him the "Makintosh Apple" shot). Several dozen later, on top of the copious amounts of Stoli and tonics, I was piss drunk and loving it.

We staggered back to our hotel, through the drizzle and I took one last shot of my blood-shot vodka-soaked eyes before passing out.

About the "communion wafer" blanket, the room had one bed and a sofa sleeper and I slept on the sofa bed. They didn't provide any bedding material so, La Slut...I mean...La Chunk went out and asked for the items. He returned with this felt blanket that, honestly, had the same consistency as a communion wafer.

I told you it was a blessed trip!

Coming up: Manatees really exist, home cooked steak dinner and life-changing thoughts.

Tuesday: Dinner For Seven (R)

La Chunk and I got up frightfully early and began the process of packing, which included a round of furious laundry on my part. He is very persnickity about getting to the airport ahead of time and his brother came to get us promptly at 10:30am and I was not ready. Of course, I got the "I told you when he was coming" speech but, I thought I had a little wiggle room. I didn't. So, I left without shorts or swim trunks and a few other necessities because I was so flustered. No biggie, I am not a shorts person, anyway and I figured I could get a cheap Walmart bathing suit down there if the opportunity came to swim (it did).

We got to Philadelphia International Airport, (which, now that I have been traveling around the country, seems to be a third world airport) and did curb-side baggage check. So nice! Then we went upstairs and sailed through security. I have it down to a science now, all of my metal objects and mini-electronics go in my little Eddie Bauer shoulder bag which I just toss through the scanners. I did have a minor problem with my shoes. It seems there was a residue of something suspicious on them, probably from the club since I have worn those shoes there. They did a quick swab and I was cleared. We then walked all the way to the last gate, why I am ALWAYS at the last bloody gate is beyond me.

And then, we waited. Note: Due to continued threat of bodily harm, I am not allowed to discuss the seating style of Southwest Airlines nor am I allowed to complain that we got there so goddamn early to be in the "A" section for no reason whatsoever!

We got on our flight, picked out seats, got comfy and we were off! We ended up getting to Ft. Lauderdale in great time, landing a fullhalf hour before we were scheduled. La Chunk informed me that they pad the schedules because of excessive air-traffic but, we must have gotten there at the right moment because we landed and were on our way to baggage. That was another blessing. By the time we made our way through the gorgeous Ft. Lauderdale/Hollywood Airport to the baggage claim, the bags were already coming out. We grabbed them and wandered over to the car rental area. Alamo was the first rental company at the top of the escalator and the next thing I know, we were tooling down I-95 at rush hour but, in another fabulous bit of luck, our exit was right before the traffic began to back up.

Then another blessing came our way. We booked the room through a mutual friend of ours from south Florida and she gave us the "friends and family" rate, which was $59 a night, quite nice for our suite. But, by the time the arrangements were done and we got the room, it was for the employee rate of $39 a night! Can you say "hook up!"? Sure you can! And the room was right next to the pool. I mean, when we opened the curtains, there was the pool. And they said there was no view!

We got our act together and made our way to see our dear friend Billy who, incidentally, used to live in the Penthouse and sleep in the room I now occupy. We marveled at the changes to his bungalow grounds, and the clean-up and regrowth of the whole area since Hurricane Wilma. We played catch-up, had a cocktail (or two) and then we did a little shopping. There were plans for all of us and Billy's beau, Paul, and a few of their other friends to go to dinner so, La Chunk and I made our way back to the room and got ready.

We ended up at this cute little Italian restaurant named Vincent's. They use existing buildings for new purposes down there and we had a fun time trying to determine what the building used to be since the bathrooms were around back. Chunkie thought it was an old drive-in restaurant but I think it was formerly a gas station. There were seven of us altogether and I was just amazed at the food. Absolutely delicious. I had the sweet Italian sausage over penne pasta in a marinara sauce and it was delightful. The sausage was spicy and sweet and melted in the mouth. The wines were top-notch and the Caesar salad dressing was tart and tasty. The pate was also incredible, over toasted sourbread slices. Yummy! Billy picked up the bill, I saw him excuse himself for the bathroom and grab the waiter and give him his credit card, the cheeky bastard! But, to our surprise, the entire meal, including the wine and appetizers, was only $150. For SEVEN people! Amazing! As a side note, I marveled at the patrons in the restaurant. I have not been in a room entirely full of gay men in a very, very long time. It was disconcerting, only because I am just not used to it anymore. I travel in very mixed company. Two of my closest friends are straight and most everyone I know now is not gay so, it was odd to hear the "gay accent" coming from everyone there.

We popped over to Scandals, the gay country bar that Billy works at, for an after dinner drink (or two or three) and then La Chunk and I had to call it a night. We didn't want to tempt the fates any further, they were more than generous to us all day and you know that the piper must be paid at some point. We got back to the room and slept deep and happy, there was more to do/see in the coming days and we needed to rest up!

Coming up: Swap meet, facials and Chunk's cheaps!

Update, Sort Of..

Mi nino malo (Little Jose, my bad little boy) is back home, and I am overjoyed. He's been in Colombia for almost a month and I miss him so. He went right back to school today so, it won't be until tonight before I can see him and give him a big ol' bear hug hullo! Then, I can't wait until next Tuesday because I'll be on a plane to the the sunshine state! Yes, La Chunk and I are going on vacation. A much needed vacation. Let me tell you, with all the madness going on at work, I need to get away. Far away! I have detailed it in the exclusive Cafe: Tailspin.

Other than that, the weather here on the island is as miserable as my mood! That always cheers me up, somehow.

I haven't written in here because I can't stand the formatting anymore. You hit "enter" to start a new paragraph and you go right to "publish post". It's maddening. I will try to write here more often to let my public readers know what the hell is going on in my pathetic life!

Survey Time! (R)

1. When you were a child what was your favorite television show? "The Waltons" my Mother even let us stay up to see the scenes for the next week's episode. Thanks Mom!
2. How many brothers and or sisters do you have? A sister, Danielle.
3. Did you get along well or fight a lot with them? We fought as kids, she was such a little bitch but now I love her, she's such a bitch!
4. Did your family sit at the table to eat meals? Yes, we did. And my bloody sister ruined a lot of Mister Softee (go to this site, it even has the music! OMG! I love it!) trips by not eating her peas!
5. Did you say grace (pray before you ate)? No. Thank God!
6. Do you still say grace? Uh...only if that's her name.
7. What is one thing you do to insure that you have a Happy New Year? Alcohol. And plenty of it.
8. How do you bring in the new year? See question number nine.
9. Are you working New Years Eve? I did. It sucked.
10. Do you shoot off fireworks? In bed. Wanna see?
11. What do you want to achieve this year? To bring the club back to it's glory years.
12. What motto will you live by in 2007? The one I have tried to live my entire life by, the Golden Rule.
13. Who will be the first person you kiss in 2007? It was Johanna.
14. Who do you wish that could be? Oh, my crush. Who shall remain nameless.
15. What is your favorite boy name? Trevor. (that answer was for my Mom, she knows why)
16. What is your favorite girl name? Isabelle, which was my Grandmother's name but, sadly, she hated it.
17. What is the weirdest name you have given to an animal? I had a goldfish named "Fido". He lived for a long time, too. He even fetched.
18. If you had to choose...what is your favorite bug? That would be the Praying Mantis. I mean, the female eats her mate, how cool is that!
19. Do mice ever get in your stove? Ask La Chunk!
20. Do you ever look in the mirror and say EW!!!? Practically on a daily basis. I think that's why I started to do drag. It was a way to make myself look like someone else and I could look in the mirror and say, "Fabulous!".
21. Do you ever play the lottery? Not anymore. I did when I worked at an arcade and we had a lottery machine.
22. What is the biggest amount you have won? Five bucks, as I recall.
23. Using your initials...describe yourself. "M"agnificent!
24. When you were little how many children did you want to have when you grew up? Two. I figured one of each, like vanilla and chocolate. You need each flavour. Yes, I would eat them.
25. Did you ever think about who you would marry? No. Not really. Because I can only "domestic partner" so, I never dreamt of getting married.
26. Did you have a crush on any famous person as a kid?Um...yes!
27. Who was it? Jaclyn Smith (from "Charlie's Angels "). Actually, I think I wanted to be her. LOL!
28.What song reminds you of your first love? "Finally" by CeCe Peniston which was Joe, my first true love.
29. Did you ever "get married" to one of your childhood friends? Actually, yes. With Sharon Hainsworth. I wonder whatever happened to my "wife"?
30. Who was the preacher? I've forgotten her name. I made out with Sharon, not the "preacher" so, I don't remember.
31. Did you plan out your wedding as a youngster? No. I planned out my "Domestic Partnership Ceremony" since that's all I am entitled to in this great non-discriminating, all-men-are-created-equal country of mine.
32. Was your real wedding like the one you dreamed about? Nope. Can't get "married" in the United States of America because of bigots and narrow-minded, right-wing, Bible-thumping (usually divorced and in the closet) nut jobs.
33. How many bridesmaids did you have? Who wrote this, a middle-school aged girl? I will have seventeen "domestic partner" maids. They will all wear the ugliest outfits I can find. So there!
34. What kind of flowers did you have? I will have wild daisies at my "Domestic Partnership Ceremony" since they are my favourite flower. I used to pick them in the field out back of my home in Bellmawr.
35. Are you shy or outgoing? Dahling, if you have to ask this one, you really don't know me! Acutally, I am very shy like most performers usually are.
36. What color are your nails right now? Sadly, I haven't worn black nail polish in a while. Hmm...now I have something to do today!
37. Do you sing in the shower? Yes. Loudly. For some reason, I always end up singing "Chances Are" by Johnny Mathis. Go figure.
38. What movie best describes your life? "Dangerous Liaisons". Just watch Glen Close in action, that's me. Totally!
39. Who is your best friend? That is Miss Patti. She gets it by default. She's been there the longest and still hasn't killed me off.
40. What year did you graduate? As if! Try again, neophyte.

God Bless America (R)

I sat watching the news yesterday and marveled at our country. The shifting of power, from one party to the next went so smoothly, so effortlessly. Our founders were truly touched by the hand of God.

I marveled at the swearing in of the first female Speaker of the House, third in line to the Presidency. What a glorious day in our country, what a glorious day for all the little girls and young women, to see the marble ceiling broken, and to know the sky's the limit! I hope to see a female President in my lifetime. I think I just might get that chance.

I marveled at the swearing in of two Bhuddists and a Muslim as members of congress. We are truly a nation that lives by the Constitutional freedom to practice whatever religion we choose. And that our private beliefs do not hinder us from our goals and ambitions.

I marveled at our democratic process and felt so proud that in November, I too was part of that process. That I, as an American, cast my vote and my voice was heard.

I am proud to be an American.

I am proud of America.

It's Official, I Am Unique!

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There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Year In Review!

2006

1. DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR
Everyone at Club Tru/Studio Six!

2. LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD - LONGEST FRIEND(s)?
Why Miss Patti, of course!

3. NEWCOMER AWARD - NEWEST FRIEND?
I'd have to say, Little Jose and became really great friends.

4. HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
Well, I guess becoming the asst. manager of the club.

5. LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
Having to fire Dorian.

6. BEST HOLIDAY?
None. It was hell this year, becoming the asst. manager and having to work the holidays ON SALARY!

7. ANTHEM FOR 2006?
"Lose Control"-Missy Elliot

8. ANY REGRETS?
No, not really. Maybe becoming the asst. manager.

9. BEST NIGHT OUT?
Dahling, I walked into the club in 1980 and it's been one fabulous night out since!

10. WORST NIGHT OUT?
Having to fire Dorian.

11. WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
Mother Fist and her five daughters! Hey, you asked!

12. BEST RELATIONSHIP?
Miss Patti!

13. WORST RELATIONSHIP?
Dorian. We haven't spoken in so long. I miss him so.

14. FIRST GIG OF THE YEAR?
Who wrote this, a musician? First gig was in October, my return to the stage version of Mortimer's Cafe: '80's Rewind!

15. LAST GIG OF THE YEAR?
That would be my show, Mortimer's Cafe: Motown in November.

16. BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Hmm...getting some people fired/making some people quit at the club without their knowledge.

17. WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
That all depends on my meeting tomorrow.

18. MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
I am a professional, not a drunk!

19. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE YEAR?
That all depends on what you mean, and from which point of view. For me, personally, it SUCKED. For me at the club, it was FAIR.

20. MOST LOYAL FRIEND?
Too many to count.

21. BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
Becoming the asst. manager of the club.