21 April 2010

Here We Go Again

I have a few drafts of journal entries waiting for me to get back to them covering a wide array of subjects that I know would be entertaining and informative to Cafe readers but I haven't had the will or drive to actually finish them. Yes, I'm being disingenuous by stating this and not putting my nose to the grindstone and finishing them but it's my journal and I can do as I please.

I have thrown myself back into the gym with pleasure and hope. The pleasure of working out again on a regular basis has been cathartic, I have missed going to the gym and just focusing on the task at hand and seeing the results. Yes, it's slow going and I have been away for so long (a year, at least) but the progress is measurable and it gratifies a little part of my ego that needs some serious stroking at the moment.
My life, both personally and professionally, is in shambles. I am living with my ex-mother-in-law, I am unemployed and my love life has dried up to a wasted husk of it's former self. Trying to save money on the pittance of my unemployment wage is laughable at best so my prospects of finding a home for myself is a future situation. Far into the future if things don't change. Don't get me wrong, Helene is a wonderful person and I really love her. She has always treated me like family and I genuinely feel like I am a part of her family, as dysfunctional as it may seem to outsiders. It works for us! My ex, Joe, and I are on great terms. I really like his boyfriend, Angel, and I have hung out with them not only in clubs but at his sister's home for the holidays. There are no awkward moments and it's nice to be among everyone, especially getting to see my former nieces and nephew now all grown up. I don't mind my living situation but it does lack a certain privacy that I miss. There's always people around and it can be a bit...distracting. And since I don't really have a room to myself, it's even harder to just go off on my own and do my hermit impression.
As for work, I am annoyed that I lost my job and I am still wondering exactly why I was fired. Yes, I know I can be a bit abrasive and unfeeling (I hear Miss Patti right now in my head calling me a Vulcan) but I don't think that's any reason to fire me! I was very good at my job and I (actually!) liked doing it. I know it's hard to believe but I really enjoyed my oh-so-brief foray into the floral industry. Who wouldathunk I had the floral design gay gene! I owe Becky many thanks for giving me a start and being infinitely patient and supremely generous with me. She allowed me to follow my own path and learn things on my own, guiding me here and there with her wisdom and knowledge. I really miss that time (although not the hellacious conditions of the shop when it was located on Ventnor Ave. in Atlantic City). I was saddened by Lee's decision to shut the shop permanently but heartened that Darlene decided to buy the business and move it to a better location. I was so looking forward to the first summer in our new spot, right on the border of Ventnor City and Margate City, a great location for a flower shop and I couldn't wait to learn more about the business. It's a shame that Darlene and I mixed like napalm and the Vietcong. I guess it was inevitable but I still lament that things ended they way they did. Especially with her screaming "Get the fuck out of here!" over and over again.

Not exactly the best ending possible.

I am lucky they extended my unemployment, though, and I have a few prospects for a job in the future. I may get a bartending gig at Bally's Beach Bar. Keep your fingers crossed. There's also the Red Ribbon Bingo gig, which pays as well and a few other drag engagements I have coming up next month. These little bits of income are a welcome relief! Helene has a way of making me spend money I don't have. If she keeps this up, I'll be paying off my debt well into the next century!

As for my love life, the less said, the better. Maybe once I get my physical area back into shape, the mental part will follow and I'll be in a position to jump back into the dating pool. I am seeing someone on occasion in Philadelphia (which is why I have been spending a little more time that usual up there) but I think he has a view of me that is a bit removed from the actual reality. He thinks I'm way younger than I am and doesn't know about the whole "drag" part of my life. And before anyone chimes in, I want to declare that I didn't realize all of this until it was much too late and now I feel a little trapped that he has developed the wrong impressions of me. It's hard to dispel someone of their illusions, especially when they benefit me so well. I'm now in the process of deciding if I should cool things off with him and let it go or disavow him of said illusions and see where that takes us.

Time will tell.

It's getting to be time for me to take my two mile hike down to the gym in Margate City so I'll end this entry here. And actually post it (what a novel concept). I've had the bug to write again so it may not be so long before you see another entry...

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