The Present World And My Possible Future

The war in Ukraine is still raging on, the videos and photos coming out of the country are heartbreaking. I fear it's going to get much, much worse before anything changes. What shocks me are all the different reports that the Ukrainian people seem to have been taken by surprise. Not many of them have prepared for an invasion, even with hundreds of thousands of Russian soldiers massed at their borders. I suppose I can understand, to a point, we haven't had a European conflict in many decades, and the thought of one seemed almost ludacris. The very fact that Putin has even considered doing this almost unfathomable. And yet, knowing that they were right on the border and weren't leaving would have caused me grave concern. I would have, at the very least, stockpiled food and maybe found a way to get a weapon for protection. 
I don't know. I can hardly imagine something like that happening. Living here in the United States has afforded me a very different outlook on things. Aside from 9/11, and the constant mass shootings all over the country, it's pretty stable here. I've never felt the fear of invasion and I don't know how I would react. 
Probably like those Ukrainians who couldn't conceive of something this terrible happening. 

Back to my back pain; it's not as bad but I am still having a hard time going from sitting to standing. The sitting position seems to lock up my muscles and nerves and when I go to stand, it takes a few minutes to walk without pain. I probably need surgery, I'm sure it's something fixable but that isn't going to happen anytime soon. It hasn't stopped me from going to the gym. My desire to look better is stronger than the pain in my lower back. I may take it easy today, I have to work tonight and being on my feet for so long doesn't do any good, either. 

I keep getting casting notices for productions in NYC and I am itching to go up and act again, but the covid-19 protocols would make it financially improbable for me to do it. The CDC has just issued new guidelines today about masking and such, I'm hoping that, by the time The Gilded Age resumes production, most of the restrictions will be lifted and I can just shoot up to film like I did for Boardwalk Empire and The Knick. My little stint in drag last October made me realize how much I miss performing.

I've never talked about this publicly before but, I'm having a hard time reading. The best way I can explain it is that I've developed a form of dyslexia, words jumble, letters go missing, it's damned frustrating. I don't know what to do about it, or even if it's fixable. I have been reading books since I was a small child, reading was what got me through a very troubled childhood of growing up gay and the painful divorce of my parents. I escaped into the worlds of science fiction and fantasy and now this simple but important pleasure is being robbed of me. I can read, but only for very short bursts. I have so many books waiting for me but they take forever to get through and I'm not retaining the info as well since I can only read small bits at a time. I'll have to research it although that requires... reading! 
And considering I've started practice writing again to maybe, finally, hopefully, write a book, this is going to be a very difficult process. 

I guess it's time to get something done.