The Present World And My Possible Future

The war in Ukraine is still raging on, the videos and photos coming out of the country are heartbreaking. I fear it's going to get much, much worse before anything changes. What shocks me are all the different reports that the Ukrainian people seem to have been taken by surprise. Not many of them have prepared for an invasion, even with hundreds of thousands of Russian soldiers massed at their borders. I suppose I can understand, to a point, we haven't had a European conflict in many decades, and the thought of one seemed almost ludacris. The very fact that Putin has even considered doing this almost unfathomable. And yet, knowing that they were right on the border and weren't leaving would have caused me grave concern. I would have, at the very least, stockpiled food and maybe found a way to get a weapon for protection. 
I don't know. I can hardly imagine something like that happening. Living here in the United States has afforded me a very different outlook on things. Aside from 9/11, and the constant mass shootings all over the country, it's pretty stable here. I've never felt the fear of invasion and I don't know how I would react. 
Probably like those Ukrainians who couldn't conceive of something this terrible happening. 

Back to my back pain; it's not as bad but I am still having a hard time going from sitting to standing. The sitting position seems to lock up my muscles and nerves and when I go to stand, it takes a few minutes to walk without pain. I probably need surgery, I'm sure it's something fixable but that isn't going to happen anytime soon. It hasn't stopped me from going to the gym. My desire to look better is stronger than the pain in my lower back. I may take it easy today, I have to work tonight and being on my feet for so long doesn't do any good, either. 

I keep getting casting notices for productions in NYC and I am itching to go up and act again, but the covid-19 protocols would make it financially improbable for me to do it. The CDC has just issued new guidelines today about masking and such, I'm hoping that, by the time The Gilded Age resumes production, most of the restrictions will be lifted and I can just shoot up to film like I did for Boardwalk Empire and The Knick. My little stint in drag last October made me realize how much I miss performing.

I've never talked about this publicly before but, I'm having a hard time reading. The best way I can explain it is that I've developed a form of dyslexia, words jumble, letters go missing, it's damned frustrating. I don't know what to do about it, or even if it's fixable. I have been reading books since I was a small child, reading was what got me through a very troubled childhood of growing up gay and the painful divorce of my parents. I escaped into the worlds of science fiction and fantasy and now this simple but important pleasure is being robbed of me. I can read, but only for very short bursts. I have so many books waiting for me but they take forever to get through and I'm not retaining the info as well since I can only read small bits at a time. I'll have to research it although that requires... reading! 
And considering I've started practice writing again to maybe, finally, hopefully, write a book, this is going to be a very difficult process. 

I guess it's time to get something done.   

Boring, But That's February For You

Writing a little later than I wanted but I already forgot that I was supposed to devote a bit of my early morning routine to this little endeavor so... you get this now. 

Woke up after a rather good night's sleep. Recently I've been having some sleep issues, waking up after a few hours ready to start my day and then taking forever to get back to sleep. Or I'm overheated during the night and wake up in the middle of nightmares. Having a full night of slumber uninterrupted was a small blessing. 
My usual morning routine has become a little 'Groundhog's Day' in it's repetition, which is a little boring but it does strangely appeal to my German side. Having a routine is comforting in it's way. I suppose it's also an off-shoot on my OCD, doing things in a particular order over and over again means all is right with the world. And Oliver seems to like it, we have our little dance worked out, feeding him, then he sits in the window for about an hour, then it's petting time, then it's play time, then it's back to the window. Maybe I was a cat in a past life. 

I got to the gym early and it was already full of people I didn't recognize but they were obviously from the A.E.W. pro wrestling show that was being filmed later tonight in Atlantic City. Lots of tattoos, dyed hair, very well build bodies, it was a little intimidating trying to work out around them, I have to admit. And, truth be told, some of them were really nice to look at! I did manage to get a really good workout in, maybe having so many fit people around me made me push myself a little more. 

I was going to walk home on the Boardwalk but the winds had picked up from earlier and the breeze was coming right off the ocean making it seem much colder than it actually was so, I ducked back into the Tropicana to get back to Pacific Avenue and the Jitney stop, passing even more pro-wrestlers wandering all over the casino and hotel area. 

I have plans to attend the BeVisible function at Wingcraft tonight with Charity. BeVisible seems to have taken the torch from the former Greater Atlantic City GLBT Alliance, hosting monthly mixers and events. I haven't been to Wingcraft in a long time so I'm interested to return and see if it got any better. One of our many Food & Beverage directors at the Claridge had left the hotel to manage over there. I'm hoping to see him if he's still the manager. 

My mother and step-father played cards with some friends two days ago and were told yesterday that the other couple tested positive for Covid-19. I'm hoping they didn't contract the virus, and if they did, the booster shots will do their job and mitigate the symptoms. Most people who've had the booster report milder symptoms, more like a nuisance cold. On the other side of the family, my step-mother had hip replacement surgery last Friday and was in hospital for a few days with minor complications. She got home yesterday so I'm going to pop over to see her and make sure she's okay. 

Hoping to work back at Lucy the Elephant sooner rather than later, the gift shop should be opening longer hours soon and maybe I can get a few shifts. I love working there even if the pay is not really all that much.